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Super Bowl XLIX commercials: Our one-sentence reactions to all 36 of them

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From Nationwide’s grim mortality reminder to Loctite’s weirdly pleasing glue commercial, Super Bowl XLIX’s ads were a mixed bag of emotions. We laughed, we cried, we called our dads… here are a few things that popped into our heads.

1. Esurance No. 1

https://youtube.com/watch?v=x7om3X28wlQ%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_detailpage
Lindsay Lohan driving a car is scary, but Lindsay Lohan mothering a preteen might be even scarier.

More: Ann Mara and 8 other women stealing the Super Bowl 49 spotlight

2. Sprint

https://youtube.com/watch?v=N1FhA9h4G-0
Television would be so much fun if we had bleating farm animals instead of “bleeps” and censor bars.

3. BMW

https://youtube.com/watch?v=jzUFb8QJ_80
While I’m happy the internet is thriving all these years later, I’m equally elated Katie Couric’s hairstyle died with the ’90s — and, um also, that car is sorcery.

4. Snickers

https://youtube.com/watch?v=RasdnWfPC_E
Best The Brady Bunch episode I’ve ever seen.

5. Budweiser No. 1

https://youtube.com/watch?v=xAsjRRMMg_Q
I’m not sure what’s cuter: the puppy, the horses or the Budweiser dude.

6. Toyota

https://youtube.com/watch?v=PjUfygo5mzw%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_detailpage
Muhammad Ali + Paralympic medalist Amy Purdy = f’ing epic.

7. Carnival

https://youtube.com/watch?v=0xQ-HyzAgRk
I want to go back from whence I came… hey boss people, JFK-endorsed company vacay time?

8. Weight Watchers

https://youtube.com/watch?v=DT_LH3VdY-A
F****************, I could go for some french fries right now.

9. Nissan

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Bd1qCi5nSKw
I wonder if my dad’s still awake….

10. Nationwide No. 1

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Yrq8ruhmCX0
I totally would have made out with Mindy Kaling if she close-talked in my face during brunch.

More: Mindy Kaling is actually invisible, just like all minority women

11. Kia

https://youtube.com/watch?v=rSqqCI0LNHs
I’m not sure if this makes me want to drive a Kia, but it does make me want to go see whatever movie Pierce Brosnan is describing — so there’s that.

12. Doritos No. 1

https://youtube.com/watch?v=lemfQcbHLik
This flying pig is cute and all, but it still doesn’t beat the “Don’t mess with my Doritos, don’t mess with my Mama” kid from Super Bowl commercials past.

13. Nationwide No. 2

https://youtube.com/watch?v=dKUy-tfrIHY
Oh, yes, now that you mention it, a side of grim mortality and parental paranoia is precisely what my Super Bowl experience was missing.

14. Coca-Cola

https://youtube.com/watch?v=SgevyjvywLs
Coca-Cola fills me with all sorts of warm fuzzies… and sugar, too.

15. Doritos No. 2

https://youtube.com/watch?v=RVNzNrh70yQ
Heretofore, this shall be my flight plan anytime I travel.

16. McDonald’s

https://youtube.com/watch?v=HCmh8cBjUeM
This is fantastic — and brilliant — since I’ll be one of the sappy schmucks hitting up McDonald’s more to see if I get to pay with lovin’.

17. Dodge

https://youtube.com/watch?v=JKKlqMs19tU
Nothing — I repeat, nothing — is cuter than old people with sage advice and a need for speed.

18. Wix.com

https://youtube.com/watch?v=P5SB1Ypy1EM
Dear sweet baby Jesus, please let Brett Favre really create a start-up called Favre & Carve.

19. Always

https://youtube.com/watch?v=q3GpXgFwWmk
Hell to the yes.

20. Chevy

https://youtube.com/watch?v=CzP2yzrKl28
For a second, I thought they were going to pull a Carl’s Jr. and have the guy climb onto the hood of the truck in a bikini and smear hamburger juice all over his face.

More: Super Bowl 49: Was that commercial sexist toward men? (VIDEO)

21. Esurance No. 2

https://youtube.com/watch?v=_s-6I3sei8s
Bryan Cranston needs to hook up with Brett Favre and get some info on starting a Wix.com page for an online pharmacy — ’cause he would make bank.

22. Fiat

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kgQVPfPopcg
So, the new Fiat is a big ol’ boner, am-I-catching-the-drift-here?

23. Mountain Dew

https://youtube.com/watch?v=2rsDVlpdpwg
Man, those are some sweet moves.

24. Heroes

https://youtube.com/watch?v=feiZaYBEios
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa… is Heroes for real coming back, y’all?

25. Microsoft

https://youtube.com/watch?v=wLXRt-qRBfU
Braylon O’Neill, you are my new hero… kudos, Microsoft.

26. Jeep

https://youtube.com/watch?v=j7LbPdzYrrE
It’s good to be a Jeep girl.

27. T-Mobile No. 1

https://youtube.com/watch?v=UAv1KOCOqbs
It’s hard to tell which is bigger in this ad — Kim Kardashian’s booty or her sense of humor.

28. Jurassic Park


Chris Pratt in a safari vest does things to us.

29. Dove

https://youtube.com/watch?v=108GQVlfwy8
Not gonna lie, I kind of loved the Dove commercial — it’s not often you see a man kiss his son on the lips on TV.

30. Jeff Bridges

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Jjyb4sTk24M
Is Jeff Bridges doing voodoo with a giant guacamole bowl on that sleeping chick?

31. Domestic violence


This needs to be seen and heard and discussed, but I just hope it doesn’t clue abusers into a potentially life-saving secret out.

32. Clash of Clans

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GuFebXDkI3k
Mental note: Download Clash of Clans and see if AngryNeeson52 is a legit handle.

33. Loctite

https://youtube.com/watch?v=JaK85bFQwSM
That’s it — I’m a Loctite user for life.

34. Bud Light

https://youtube.com/watch?v=g9A1NowrnGI
Is a life-size virtual Pac-Man a thing in real life and, good God, how do I get in on it ’cause I am the bomb-dot-com at chompin’ on some pac-dots.

35. T-Mobile No. 2


Chelsea Handler and Sarah Silverman need to be BFFs in real life, and they need to invite me over to hang out with them in Handler’s subterranean petting zoo.

36. Budweiser No. 2

https://youtube.com/watch?v=siHU_9ec94c
I mean, I’m all about some good craft beer… but I wouldn’t hate it if they threw a puppy in this ad, too.

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