Empire: 15 Times Cookie stole last night's episode
Empire is our new religion, and we worship at the altar of Cookie. We just can't get enough of this force to be reckoned with.
Last night's episode did nothing to slow down our love for this woman. She is a powerhouse, and we cannot take our eyes off her when she is on the screen. And when she's not on the screen, we are annoyed that she's not on the screen.
We could try to recap the episode, but instead we're going to recap Cookie, because this show would not be what it is without her. Fun fact: Cookie, the food — delicious. Cookie, the person — even more delicious.
Here are 15 Cookie-related things from last night's installment of Empire that made us desperate to be her best friend/prodigy/person with whom she shares her clothing.
1. When she could have shut it down, but didn't
Cookie's first scene was one of pure beauty. Obviously, she looked amazing, but after being rebuffed by Lucious, she elected not to make a scene. But as she herself put it, she totally could have, and she totally would have won the battle. Lucious did tell her she looked nice, though, and she responded by taking a boot to the side of one of his vehicles.
2. This face
Unfortunately, most people look absolutely ridiculous when they wear sunglasses inside. Cookie, on the other hand, basically says, "I am queen, bow down," when she dons some shades indoors. She basically looks like she's throwing shade from behind the shades.
3. Anytime she spoke to Porsha
Porsha, while hilarious, is a little too eager to chime in at times. But the fun of seeing Porsha butt in is getting to watch Cookie tell her to butt out. The way Cookie says, "Go sit down," is something we're working on emulating.
4. Her vulnerability
Cookie is one tough, well, cookie, and she is at her most entertaining when she's being a badass. But the quieter moments, the ones where she's vulnerable — like when she's standing over Bunkie at the funeral home or defending herself to Lucious — are when we get to see at the core of who she is. And we like what we see.
5. Her funeral outfit
You guys, I can't even articulate this one in a way that does it justice. But basically, the dress code, whenever we happen to go to the big recording studio in the sky, will be Cookie funeral chic. Hats with a net are compulsory.
6. When she told Carol to work on it
And Carol knew she best get to working on it. Such is the power of an instruction from Cookie.
7. When she wore a cape
Forget Batman, Cookie is the real Caped Crusader. And you can forget about a sidekick; Cookie is so self-sufficient that if she'd had her own Robin, he would have quit out of boredom.
8. When she tried to use the FBI to help her find someone to write songs for her son
Um, and the FBI acquiesced to this request. We repeat: The FBI agreed to help Cookie do something that is not remotely in their realm of duty or at all relevant to them. Don't think this is amazing? Get back to us when the FBI starts doing favors for you. Spoiler: It's likely you'll never get back to us.
9. "I was loadeeeeed"
Cookie should get a spin-off, and it should just be footage of her having staged meetings with her fake parole officer. Cookie is one smart, um, cookie, and Lucious is a gullible douche canoe.
10. Her dancing
Not only can Cookie bust chops, but she can bust a move, too.
11. When she took her place at the head of the table
And refused to move. Not going to lie, we're currently planning to pull a Cookie at our own family dinners just to spice things up. Hopefully, Grandma won't take it personally.
12. When she used prayer to make a statement
Do you think Jesus cares that she referred to someone as a "hole" during said prayer? Hallelujah, indeed.
13. Her enthusiasm for Jamal
Sure, Jamal may be part of Cookie's plan to outdo Lucious, but she truly loves and accepts her son for who he is and supports his potential. While Lucious' investment in Jamal is limited on account of Jamal's sexuality, Cookie's pride in her son knows no bounds. It was particularly satisfying when Cookie told Lucious in no uncertain terms that he is going straight to hell, and once again, Cookie was right on the money.
14. Her understanding of what a "debutante" is
"A bougie ho with a lot of money." Well, that's one way to shut down someone who thinks they're better than you.
15. When Naomi Campbell was in the episode and we didn't care
Move over, Naomi. We want Cookie (kinda sounds like the Cookie Monster is speaking, hey?).