Unf! New Girl is awesome, right? The friendships. The idiocy. The drama. The bright colors. Everything about it falls into this girl’s wheelhouse. The thing is… those bright colors aren’t really life. That on-screen idiocy will get you in real-life trouble. And that drama? Sucks way worse when it’s in your own life.
Still. I want it. I want to be adorable like Jess. I want a sassy Schmidt in my life. And, more than anything, I want a dude like Nick. Except… do I really? Living the New Girl life is a struggle. I promise. Here’s what I mean.
1. I will never look that good in black tights
On Zooey Deschanel, they look pretty. On me? They look prudish.
2. And cardigans? How does Jess make them look so cute?
3. Actually, Jess’s whole visual effect is confounding on normal girls
Dudes think Zooey Deschanel is hot. I show up wearing that same outfit? Boyfriend thinks I look cute… wants to know if I’m going to pretend to be a ’50s housewife and make him dinner.
4. Living with four dudes = gross!
Even grown men. Schmidt is a fluke.
5. Sassy friends suuuuuck
I love my sassy BFF. But after a while, it becomes too much for too long and we need a break.
6. Dating a Nick is complicated
You saw it in Jess’s life but you still want one, don’t you? Don’t lie to me! Ladies, I have one. He’s a little lazy. A little grumpy. And downright excitable. That means he can be the most romantic dude on the planet, but I’ll have to clean up the mess he made from creating that swoon-worthy Valentine.
7. And you can’t be Nick, either
Is Nick paying rent right now? I doubt it. It doesn’t matter how many roommates live in a house together, that will never be OK. If there were 10 roommates and rent was $100, they’d still be pissed when you didn’t chip in your 10 bucks.
8. The Cece and Jess thing? Unlikely
Humans are bad at keeping long friendships. We want to. We want to so bad. Humans like to form packs and not have them change. But it’s nearly impossible. I met my two oldest girl friends in 7th and 8th grade. But we haven’t lived in the same area code since 12th grade. Furthermore, while the one I fought with constantly, the only reason I didn’t fight with my bestie was because we were so different, and spent a few years accidentally incommunicado. What I’m saying is, don’t look at Jess and Cece’s relationship and feel like you’re messed up because you haven’t been able to foster an equally long-lasting friendship with someone.
9. You can’t chill on roofs
This whole rooftop hanging-out thing is a completely bogus trope in many TV shows. Yes, if you live in a fancy high-rise in a huge city, they’ve probably turned your roof into a deck. But, generic buildings like the one Jess and the gang live in? Nope. Even if you can sneak out there, it’s still gross.
10. My Outside Dave is not cool
I feed and blanket my homeless neighbor. I’ve even been known to take his order on the way to pick up dinner. It took me a long time to get to that point, though, and I’m still careful interacting if I’m by myself. Please. Be careful when talking to the “Outside Daves” in your neighborhood, ladies.