Dear Kendall Jenner,
In a recent op-ed you penned for the Wall Street Journal, you bravely let the world know that you are a little bit scared to leave your teen years behind and enter your 20s.
Should you be afraid to enter your 20s? Well, maybe a little. It is a liberating time when many people find themselves and figure out what they want to do with their lives. For the first time, you aren’t under the constant watch of your parents, yet you haven’t quite settled down into the true responsibilities of adulthood. However, with self-discovery comes quite a bit of confusion, emotionally and physically.
Nobody gave me a heads up when I turned 20. I just ran straight in, kicking and screaming. So, my gift to you is total honesty about the weirdest parts of leaving adolescence behind.
1. You’ll date… a lot
While this may sound like a lot of fun at first, it can be exhausting. You’ll probably look back at a lot of the people you hook up with and say to yourself, “What the hell was I thinking?” Also, be wary of internet dating. People’s profiles are rarely what they seem. Try not to double-book yourself, but do write down all the details of the people you go out with. It will come in handy down the road when you decide to pen your memoir.
2. You’ll throw up from drinking more than you would like to admit
A magical thing happens when you turn 21: Suddenly, you can legally drink! The magic fades quickly, though, when you realize that alcohol is actually the source of all evil. After a night out on the town, grab a bottle of water and hunker down. It might be a bumpy ride.
3. You divide your time worrying about your face breaking out and praying the line between your eyes doesn’t deepen
Shit gets real around the time you turn 25. Seriously, who has time to worry about a huge zit and wrinkles? Nature is so cruel.
4. Gray hair becomes a reality
If not for you, then someone you know. Which, of course, leads you to examine your roots on a regular basis.
5. Your dating pool shrinks with every birthday
In your 20s, this funny thing happens. You keep getting older, but they stay the same age — guys, that is. It gets harder to date men your own age, or younger, once you hit your 20s because most of them are still making constant fart jokes and playing video games. Bad news is, most of them always do. Good news is, it levels out a little once they hit their late 20s.
6. You’ll think you’re old when you turn 23
Newsflash: you’re not, and it’s totally annoying to everyone older than you when you complain that you are over the hill.
7. You’ll start to feel like you will never claw yourself out of the dark hole of being broke
Ha! Just kidding. You’re a Kardashian/Jenner. Made you look.
8. You’ll go to, like, a bajillion weddings in a three-month period
And when you go, you will vacillate between feeling sheer relief that it’s not you getting married and convincing yourself that you are going to die alone.
9. You adopt a pet because you don’t have a significant other
You will love your cat/dog/guinea pig so hard and proceed to bombard social media with pics of him or her. You also realize that having an animal is a huge responsibility and makes it harder to ditch out for the weekend. A little like having kids.
10. You start a Pinterest board dedicated to your pending nuptials
Despite the fact that you don’t have a suitor, you will gain a clear picture of how you want your hair, makeup and dress to look that day, what kind of gifts you will give to your bridesmaids and what color cummerbund your groom will wear. You will wonder whether this is invoking the law of attraction or if it’s just desperate. In reality, it’s both.
11. People you are dating joke that they’ll have to “trade you in for a later model” soon
Real knee-slapper, right there.
Kendall, this all seems a little frightening, but you’ve managed to gracefully get through your teens under the constant scrutiny of the media and public eye, so something tells me your 20s will be a cinch. Just stay true to yourself, and once you reach your 30s, you’ll look back on these years fondly and celebrate all of the lessons you learned and friends you made.