Shepard spoke more than openly with Ellen DeGeneres about the horrors of Bell’s delivery and it might have men everywhere rethinking fatherhood.
“So there’s a sheet and then they go, ‘The baby’s here!’ Then you peek around the sheet and they’re lifting out the baby, but then you notice your wife is completely disassembled. I can see inside of her,” Shepard said of his C-section experience.
“I was like, ‘It’s a girl! Your liver’s out, I think. And those are definitely your intestines. And she has… are you all right?! Oh, my God, put her back together correctly.
“After seeing this autopsy, I would rather see a school bus drive out of her vagina,” the Parenthood actor joked. “It isn’t any worse than seeing your partner flowing over. Guys, I need medication if this happens again.”
Of course, Bell might be kissing her husband instead of getting upset, because the message behind his delivery story madness was ultimately that he was worried about his wife the whole time.
More: Kristen Bell shaved Dax Shepard’s butt — we have all the cringeworthy deets
“Kristen, God bless her, was in labor for 33 hours,” Shepard said during his appearance on The Ellen DeGeneres Show. He said Bell’s labor with their first child, Lincoln, was only 15 hours and called that “child’s play.”
“She got an epidural hour 14 — as you should — and I think dads need something,” he continued.
“I deserve something because I was along for the ride,” Shepard half joked. “It’s still a car crash and I’m in the passenger seat. I’m playing Katy Perry and I’m breaking and I’m rubbing her back and I have fatigue and I think, ‘I need something for this. Help me.'”
The proud new dad talks about his three-week old daughter, Delta, with obvious adoration.
“She’s very tiny. She’s a micro baby,” Shepard jokes, using just his fingers to display how big she is. “They’re selling those now. I lose her in my pocket very often. That’s the only downside of a micro baby. Less milk. Smaller poops. But you will lose them in your pocket.”
Watch the entire interview with Shepard below.