The internet can be a cold, ugly, mean place.
Keyboard warriors are on attack at all times, lurking around social media, and nobody is safe. Celebrities are especially susceptible to those trolling Twitter, and the venom the trolls spew can be downright vicious.
Jimmy Kimmel is giving every celeb who’s been targeted — from actors to pop stars to the athletic elite — the chance to face their attackers, so to speak, and the results have been nothing less than hilarious. The segment Mean Tweets on Jimmy Kimmel Live is making lemonade out of lemons and seriously cracking us up at the same time.
The awesomeness in this segment comes not so much from the tweets themselves but from the amazing way these celebs react to what is being said about them. Check out all of the most sidesplitting Mean Tweets so far.
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 1
1. Lisa Kudrow: “I hope you all have a great weekend! Except you, Lisa Kudrow. Fuck you.”
This installment is a treasure trove of hilarity, but the top tweet definitely goes to Phoebe Lisa Kudrow. Come on, tweeter! How can you tell Lisa Kudrow to fuck off? We’d hang out with her any day. At least she took it in stride; her explosive laughter actually made us laugh even harder.
2. Chloë Moretz: “Chloe Moretz or whatever her stupid name is looks like my asshole seriously she is not decent looking whatsoever.”
First of all, Chloë Moretz is too decent looking! She’s adorable. But more importantly, she thought of the most epic comeback ever, looking straight at the camera and crying, “You must have a really bleached asshole.” Genius.
3. John Stamos: “Guys John Stamos has a gross belly button :/”
We will agree with this one just because we want to see John Stamos lift up his shirt again. Ladies, he’s 51 years old… just think about that. Hot!
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 2
1. Katy Perry: “I would rather chop my arm off and fuck myself with my detached limb than watch ‘Katie perry the movie’ What the fuck is wrong with the world.”
Um, you’re right, what is wrong with the world? First, this is gross and dirty. Second, you’re going to cut your arm off to avoid watching Katy Perry’s movie? Maybe you should save that strategy for a more dire situation, like if Katy Perry fans take you hostage and lock you up until you memorize every single one of her lyrics and profess your love for her. Or Beliebers force you to watch Justin Bieber’s movies. Then, cutting off your arm might be an understandable strategy. But, come on, exaggerating much? At least Katy Perry has a good response. Call that tweeter out, Katy!
2. Matt LeBlanc: “Matt leblanc looks so old. #whathappened.”
Matt LeBlanc will always be Joey in our eyes. And he probably hates that.
3. Danny McBride: “If Mike Piazza’s hair caught fire and someone put it out with a cast iron skillet, you’d have Danny McBride.”
We don’t get it, but it’s hilarious. This is one joke you don’t have to explain for everyone to laugh.
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 3: Music Edition
1. Brad Paisley: “@BradPaisley I don’t know your music cuz I don’t drive a pickup and I don’t sleep with my sister.”
Ha! We love country music and Brad Paisley is at the top of our playlist (we don’t do either of those things, though), but this tweet really made us laugh.
2. Lil Wayne: “Lil Wayne looks like a crabapple.”
His response: “I don’t know what a crab apple is. [chuckling] Fuck all y’all.” Hey, Lil Wayne, you weren’t alone in that, so you don’t need to tell us all to fuck off! We actually tried to do the dude a favor and look up the meaning of crab apple. We regret that now. Don’t do it; it’s nothing anyone ever needs to know.
3. John Mayer: “John Mayer looks like a booze soaked turd wrapped in a Dumb and Dumber tux.”
Well… at least you’re in a tux, right?
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 4
1. Julia Louis-Dreyfus: “LOOK AT ME IM JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS I WAS ON SEINFELD THE SHOW ABOUT WHITE PEOPLE IN NEW YORK EATING PICKLES AND SHIT FUCK YOU BITCH!”
Her laugh is so darn cute. Plus, she’s probably laughing so hard because that’s how she explains Seinfeld to people too.
2. Jason Biggs: “If I had to choose between fucking a pie and @JasonBiggs I’d choose the pie. That dude has a dirty dick.”
Jason Biggs looks like he’s really enjoying himself while reading that tweet. Like he was really, really excited.
3. Sharon Stone: “I remember when the words ‘@sharonstone is on television’ brought me joy, instead of, ‘i hate that bitch.'”
Ah, Sharon Stone, don’t take it to heart. After a super successful 35-year career, jealous people are bound to hate. Just shake it off, shake it off (sorry, we always speak in Taylor Swift).
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 5
1. Kid Rock: “Kid rock looks like he would smell like stale farts & cigarettes.”
Kid Rock vehemently disagrees with his mean tweet and wants the world to know he smells like “fresh farts and cigars,” so he takes the No. 1 spot in this installment.
2. Elizabeth Moss: “I can’t figure out if Elizabeth Moss is hot or not.”
Her response is perfect. This is why we love Elizabeth Moss, people, this is why we love her!
3. Jessica Alba: “I just saw @jessicaalba. If this was 2007 I’d be really excited”
Yeah right, if my boyfriend saw Jessica Alba 30 years from now, I’m pretty sure he’d still be excited. Talk about one woman who doesn’t age!
Honorable mention goes to Julie Bowen for really getting into character as she read a tweet about her being “fat and anorexic all at once.” Have you seen her biceps? Those are the only “fat” things about her and she could use them to beat you up.
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 6: Music Edition
1. Kelly Clarkson: “Well Kelly Clarkson is on, time to go poop”
The beauty in this tweet is in its simplicity.
2. Common: “@common is that the motto for your penis?”
Common’s deadpan delivery of this tweet gives him the No. 2 spot for this edition. It’s almost like he wants us to believe that the Twitter user touched a nerve.
3. Josh Groban: “Hey Josh Groban! Suck my dick, ya big tool!”
The juxtaposition of Josh Groban’s sweet, nerdy face with the gross vulgarity and aggressiveness of the tweet is pure comedy.
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 7: Movie Edition
1. George Clooney: “If that gross ratty old man George Clooney can find a girl… you regular fellas out there in the twitterverse must be drowning in pussy.”
Well that’s one way of putting it, I guess.
2. Eddie Redmayne: “Eddie Redmayne looks like someone tried to erase his nose, but couldn’t completely. I also think he looks perpetually dehydrated.”
He couldn’t deny it. He was dehydrated, people. The boy’s parched; get him some water!
3. Susan Sarandon: “Tired of susan sarandon having her big fat saggy boobs in my face.”
That was the perfect comeback, Susan. Absolutely perfect.
4. Emily Blunt: “Emily Blunt’s got a purdy mouth… that I’d like to poop in.”
She nailed that delivery.
5. Taraji P. Henson: “Taraji P. Henson seems like she’s extremely ghetto in real life lol.”
Her response? “Well, I can be, bitch. Meet me outside!” We’re not worthy.
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 8
1. Ryan Gosling: “Why does Ryan Gosling always look like he’s trying to squeeze a fart out without it making any noise?”
“Because I’m a gentleman.” — Ryan Gosling
2. Olivia Wilde: “Olivia Wilde’s forehead is the same size as my left ass cheek…And I weigh 250LBS, so I’ll let you imagine of just how big that must be.”
3. Paul Rudd: “Paul Rudd is the most boring vanilla dude. You know he just sits at home with his wife having a bland spaghetti dinner talking about his day.”
Hey, if Paul Rudd thinks you’re funny, that’s a win, I guess.
Now that that’s done, I move that when we don’t have anything nice to say, we just don’t say anything at all. And we stop using so many darn swear words on social media. Capisce?
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 9: President Obama Edition
1. “My mom bought new conditioner and it sucks it isn’t even conditioning my hair I blame Obama.”
We feel like this probably isn’t the most outlandish thing President Obama has been blamed for.
2. “President Obama will go down as perhaps the worst president in the history of the United States!” — @realDonaldTrump
“Well, @realDonaldTrump, at least I will go down as a president.” — President Obama
MIC. DROP. No explanation necessary.
Celebrities Read Mean Tweets No. 10: Country Music Edition
In celebration of the Country Music Awards on Wednesday, Nov. 2, Jimmy Kimmel decided to dedicate one of his infamous Mean Tweets segments to country music stars — and, of course, things got really ugly.
1. Miranda Lambert: “In case of a national emergency, all air traffic will be redirected to Miranda Lambert’s forehead.”
This tweet is just harsh. There’s nothing wrong with Lambert’s forehead, but we doubt she’s losing sleep over this comment because she’s only one of the most successful female country artists of all time.
2. Florida Georgia Line: “The guys from Florida Georgia Line were engineered in a douche factory.”
We’re sorry, but this is hilarious! The best part is obviously the fact that Brian Kelley and Tyler Hubbard are so willing to play along though, telling everyone the factory is “right down the road from here.”
3. Granger Smith: “Granger Smith is not cute. yee yee my asshole.”
First of all, Granger Smith is definitely cute — just look at that smile when he’s reading that nasty tweet. Second, his looks don’t even matter because he’s a super-talented musician. Oh, and Granger Smith, if you’re reading this, please know you’re welcome to serenade us any time…