There’s a reason that the Kidz Bop CD series was born. Pop songs with catchy tunes, a memorable chorus and lyrics that paint amazingly nasty pictures in one’s head are too many too count.
But I’ll give it a go.
1. “Scream” by Usher
Ooh baby, he’s wasted, thinking about getting naked — and I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. Lord knows Usher didn’t.
2. “Starships” by Nicki Minaj
She’s just singing about space, right? This ain’t no NASA-sanctioned trip, folks.
3. “Whistle” by Flo Rida
Not since “Mr. Bojangles” and “Off to Work We Go” has a songster put lips together to make pop music. Nice nod to history, Mr. Rida? Not so much. He’s gonna show her how to blow his whistle.
4. “Tik Tok” by Kesha
Forget the Crest, this chick is brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack Daniels.
5. “Party Rock Anthem” by LMFAO
Nothing like “running through hos like Drano” to put you in the mood to dance.
6. “Somebody That I Used to Know” by Gotye
It’s not outright nasty, but definitely tips the creepy scale. Just watching the video makes me depressed, and I’m a glass-half-full kind of gal.
7. “Glad You Came” by The Wanted
Sun, stars, universe. All good, right? Well, this party is in his pants.
8. “Runaway” by Kanye West
Ballerinas and tuxedos are the stuff of little-kid dreams. But are douchebags, assholes and jerkoffs?
9. “Wild Ones” by Flo Rida
Look who’s back. Mr. Rida will certainly get your toes tapping but by the end of the night, he’s breaking in a wild one and telling her to saddle up. It’s like My Pretty Pony, only different.
10. “Domino” by Jessie J
They’re doing something all night, and it’s not counting sheep.
11. “Beautiful Girls” by Sean Kingston
So when you get dumped by a pretty girl, there’s only one thing left to do: suicide.
12. “The Monster” by Eminem (with Rihanna)
Not only is there a monster under her bed, there’s a straightjacket, spilled blood and even Rumpelstiltskin is implicated.
13. “Sexxx Dreams” by Lady Gaga
Masturbation — not that there’s anything wrong with that — mixed with vomit. Lovely.
14. “Boom Boom Pow” by The Black Eyed Peas
Harder, faster, bigger and stronger is nice when you’re talking about horsies or race cars, but that’s not the story here.
15. “Lady Marmalade” by Patti LaBelle
OK, I just had to include some oldies but goodies. Granted, the little ones will be getting a French lesson by singing “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” And “itchi gitchi ya ya da da” is pretty harmless — until you realize that some joe on the street is about to give it a go.
16. “Habits (Stay High)” by Tove Lo
It sounds fun, but really listen to those lyrics and clearly she’s talking about getting high. And not on life.
17. “Bang Bang” by Jessie J, Ariana Grande, Nicki Minaj
This song is so upbeat and fun to dance to, but come on — the song is called “Bang Bang” and they aren’t very discreet regarding what this songs really about.