5SOS? One Direction? The Wanted? Sorry, guys, but you don’t hold a candle to the boy bands that rocked our worlds in the ’90s.
It might make me sound old to say it, but boy bands today just aren’t as good. Sure, they’re charming, have some catchy tunes and are fairly entertaining, but they just don’t have that certain je ne sais quoi of their forefathers. Let’s take a walk down memory lane and remember all the reasons why pre-millennial groups were so much better than what’s out there now.
1. The moves
Choreography simply isn’t what it used to be. How do kids these days memorize every single move to a video if there just aren’t that many moves to learn? We learned them all. *NSYNC’s Tearin’ Up My Heart was my specialty.
2. The videos
The production value, the sets, the colors, the creativity. It’s just not there anymore! And the story lines? Forget about it. When JC went crazy in Drive Myself Crazy, I went crazy. When Drew Lachey put on his military uniform and returned to his girl after being deployed, I cried. And the Backstreet Boys’ “Everybody” video? It was a revelation, second only to Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.“
3. The romances
Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson, Ashley Parker Angel and Tiffany. These were the great love stories of our time.
4. The reality shows
Reality TV was just a wag in MTV’s tail in 1999, but as the new millennium approached, the network used our beloved boy bands as a springboard to revolutionize entertainment as we know it. Who can forget the first Making the Band? I’m still depressed about O-Town. I really thought they were in it for the long haul. Nick Lachey of 98 Degrees married Jessica Simpson, which gave birth to Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica and gifted us with the the best reality TV quote to date: “Is this chicken that I’m eating? Or is this fish?”
5. The clothes
No skinny jeans here! Our boys were all about puffy jackets, chunky turtleneck sweaters, shirts with the arms cut off, fashionably ripped pants and mixing and matching different fabric textures. Anything to look sharp.
6. The hair
The frosted tips that accentuated a puka shell necklace perfectly. The spikes. The gel. Those Medusa-like snake things that were on top of Chris Kirkpatrick’s head. Last but not least, we will forever be jealous of the Hanson brothers’ flowing locks.
7. The Christmas albums
The songs were just so much more festive back then. Pop stars have attempted to recreate holiday music since, but it’s just not the same.
8. The muses
Maybe the music was so much better back then because the boys had more soulfully inspirational females to pull from. We totally understood why LFO wrote “Girl on TV” about Jennifer Love Hewitt.
9. The formula
The young cute one, the ladies man, the shy one, the goofy one and the one everyone feels sorry for because he’s not as hot as the other four. Never deviate from the formula if you seek true success!
10. Justin Timberlake
All of the reasons boy bands of yore are better than what’s out there currently can be reduced down to just one thing: Justin Timberlake. He’s the GOAT and I’ll bet the young whippersnappers nowadays are even willing to agree with that.
11. Seth Rogen has our backs
This Is the End proved it: All boy banders from the 1990s are angels from heaven.