I labored under the belief that high-schoolers had loqued out Jeeps and wild house parties every night, and I couldn’t wait. It wasn’t until my freshman year that I realized I was totally buggin’. We were all lied to.
As a middle-schooler in the ’90s, Clueless was my guide to high school. It represented everything I could look forward to — a time to leave Trapper Keepers behind and refine my interests among my older, more mature peers. Perhaps I would meet a nice boy at the mall, for instance, after purchasing a marabou boa to match my brand-new high school clothes.
1. Everyone has a car in high school
Pretty much no one I knew drove to high school until they were a senior, and then it was usually in a beat up Geo Storm, at best.
2. You can wear whatever you want
As long as it fits the rigorous dress code.
3. You can wear whatever you want, and no one will make fun of you
Only Dionne could wear this hat with impunity. Snaps, girl.
4. High school relationships were complex, lasting affairs
For like, a week.
5. High school teachers were way more lenient, and kind of stupid
Cher would have failed my high school English class, unsolicited matchmaking notwithstanding.
6. Truancy is no big deal
Especially if you don’t mind getting arrested.
7. A whole new world of slang awaited us
The surest way to identify yourself as a freshman was to use “buggin'” unironically.
8. Parties! Parties every weekend!
Really intense ragers that included four of your friends sitting on a couch in your basement watching TV and drinking peach Schnapps if you were hard-core.
9. Being a new kid is easy, if you make friends with the popular crowd
All you need is a makeover.
10. It’s totally OK to dance like this:
It is not. Ever.
11. Flirting is easy
Anything that brings attention to the mouth is good.
12. High school fashion is high fashion
Haute couture pajama bottoms and hoodies, amirite?
On StyleCaster: All of Cher Horowitz’s outfits from Clueless
13. High-schoolers were so deep
Everyone loves a little light amateur psychology.
14. Party games are a thing that happen
My favorite one was, “Stand very still against a wall until it’s time to leave.”
15. Teachers were so understanding
As long as you had a really good, humorous excuse for being late.
16. I’m still waiting for one of these:
But it’s not like I’m bitter or anything, OK?