16 Lies Clueless told us about high school

Dec 8, 2014 at 11:59 a.m. ET

I labored under the belief that high-schoolers had loqued out Jeeps and wild house parties every night, and I couldn't wait. It wasn't until my freshman year that I realized I was totally buggin'. We were all lied to.

As a middle-schooler in the '90s, Clueless was my guide to high school. It represented everything I could look forward to — a time to leave Trapper Keepers behind and refine my interests among my older, more mature peers. Perhaps I would meet a nice boy at the mall, for instance, after purchasing a marabou boa to match my brand-new high school clothes.

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1. Everyone has a car in high school

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Image: Giphy.com

Pretty much no one I knew drove to high school until they were a senior, and then it was usually in a beat up Geo Storm, at best.

2. You can wear whatever you want

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Image: Giphy.com

As long as it fits the rigorous dress code.

3. You can wear whatever you want, and no one will make fun of you

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Only Dionne could wear this hat with impunity. Snaps, girl.

4. High school relationships were complex, lasting affairs

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Image: Giphy.com

For like, a week.

5. High school teachers were way more lenient, and kind of stupid

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Cher would have failed my high school English class, unsolicited matchmaking notwithstanding.

6. Truancy is no big deal

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Especially if you don't mind getting arrested.

7. A whole new world of slang awaited us

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The surest way to identify yourself as a freshman was to use "buggin'" unironically.

8. Parties! Parties every weekend!

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Image: Giphy.com

Really intense ragers that included four of your friends sitting on a couch in your basement watching TV and drinking peach Schnapps if you were hard-core.

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9. Being a new kid is easy, if you make friends with the popular crowd

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Image: Giphy.com

All you need is a makeover.

10. It's totally OK to dance like this:

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It is not. Ever.

11. Flirting is easy

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Anything that brings attention to the mouth is good.

12. High school fashion is high fashion

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Image: Giphy.com

Haute couture pajama bottoms and hoodies, amirite?

On StyleCaster: All of Cher Horowitz's outfits from Clueless

13. High-schoolers were so deep

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Everyone loves a little light amateur psychology.

14. Party games are a thing that happen

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My favorite one was, "Stand very still against a wall until it's time to leave."

15. Teachers were so understanding

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As long as you had a really good, humorous excuse for being late.

16. I'm still waiting for one of these:

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But it's not like I'm bitter or anything, OK?