How to score a date with Zach Braff as a normal girl

It turns out Zach Braff is just looking for a non-famous girl to fall in love with, which has just blown this competition wide open. You could be Mrs. Braff in the future.

Photo courtesy of Dan Jackman / WENN.com

Holla at all the regular, non-famous girls — Zach Braff is looking you! The 39-year-old actor has recently shot down rumours of him dating Taylor Swift and announced to the world (and to our eager ears) that he is not interested in dating anyone within the entertainment industry. Praise the love gods!

Braff told Howard Stern that Taylor is “a sweet girl,” but he’s not into dating “super-famous girls.” The Scrubs star previously dated Mandy Moore, and we’re assuming he did not adore the experience.

“Remember, I did that once before when I dated Mandy Moore, and I didn’t like it,” the actor admitted. “Well, when you date another famous person, that’s when they really hound you. That’s when the paparazzi are outside your house, and that’s when you can’t ride your bike through Manhattan, because they follow you.”

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We must point out that Braff has since also dated model Taylor Bagley for about five years, but whatever. He’s “not” into famous girls anymore. You know what this actually means, though, right? It’s open season on Zach Braff, y’all! Ladies, sharpen your stilettos.

Now, we don’t encourage potentially illicit behaviour, so keep it clean and within the frames of the law, but here is our creepy guide to scoring a date with Zach Braff as a non-famous woman.

1. Be in his periphery

So, Braff is a man in motion. Sometimes he is in Los Angeles; more often he’s in New York… And he usually comes to Toronto for TIFF. So if you are very invested in catching eye, then we suggest bumming around in one of those three locations at opportune moments. Your best bet will be in New York and Toronto during the festivals, though. Don’t show up wearing a sandwich board, but be bold and visible.

2. Don’t be a creep

As much as we want to tell you what to do, it’s equally important to tell you what not to do. If you do happen to run into Mr. Braff, do not quote his movies. Do not cry. Do not beg. Do not touch him without permission. Do not collect samples of his hair or any bodily fluids. Just be cool, and don’t embarrass us, OK?

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3. Don’t stalk him, actually

This is very important. There is a difference between an informed fake run-in with your crush and lurking in the bushes in the middle of the night outside his mother’s house. If you cannot tell these apart, then you have to leave. Don’t follow Zach or call him after stealing his number off his buddy’s phone, whom you’ve also successfully stalked. You need to leave some of this up to chance, not to a jury of your peers.

4. Be yourself

Zach is a quirky man, as evident in his writing. Be yourself, and don’t try so hard. This is the cheesiest piece of advice that one can give, but it works. If you successfully track this man down in a legal way and strike up a conversation, then just dazzle him with your somewhat stalking-prone personality.

Will you be pursuing Zach Braff in your spare time, or will you be leaving it up to destiny?

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