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Dear American friends, we have the solution to your Belgian waffle problem

Many Americans are really hurting after the gruesome 2-1 loss against Belgium in the World Cup. We think we can really help you guys out.

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Listen, Canada has always been like a cuddly best friend to the United States of America (1812, forgive and forget, right?). Right now, Americans are not feeling so hot following the country’s 2-1 defeat in the World Cup against Belgium on Tuesday, and they just really need to hate those Brussels sprout-eating Europeans… And we get it. It hurt. We have your back, buddy!

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A bit of a whirlwind campaign is brewing up across social media networks, aiming to boycott Belgian products in retaliation for its insolent victory against the States, and while we might not agree with the tactic, Canada supports its BFF even in the land of sour-loserdom. Until the very end.

So go ahead, pour out that Belgian beer! Toss them waffles in the garbage! Canada has excellent substitutes for any Belgian product you might feel the need to boycott. Remember, we’d never stab you in the back like that (hockey exempted), so buy our stuff instead.

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Try BeaverTails

Who needs Belgian waffles? Sure, they’re delicious, but are they as good as BeaverTails? Not even close. American friends, BeaverTails is a magical company that makes fried dough pastries shaped like — you guessed it — a beaver’s tail, and it offers more topping options than you can even imagine. Don’t be shy! Sure, you can have seconds.

Grab a Canuck ale

Toss away your Stella Artois, Beck’s and Corona. They’re your enemies now. The North can offer you skilfully brewed bottles of Molson Canadian, Keith’s and Moosehead. Yes, they do taste like pieces of our great Northern traditions…

Drown your sorrows in sweet potato poutine

French fries are so last year anyway, not to mention of Belgian origin. But nobody’s laid claim on sweet potato fries. You dress those healthy bad boys in gravy and cheese curds, and you’ve got yourself a fine-looking poutine. Dig in!

Munch on some Laura Secord

Godiva? No, thanks. Bask in the glory that is Laura Secord. Named after the extraordinary heroine of the War of 1812 (still, America, no hard feelings), the chocolate maker will titillate your senses and flirt with your taste buds. Basically the company makes amazing chocolate and ice cream… You should get in on that action. Seriously. Do it.

Obviously we have nothing against the Belgians, so we don’t mind eating those fluffy waffles drenched in Godiva chocolate… But for the boycotting Americans, we hope this list was most illuminating. Happy eating!

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