We think Taylor Swift may secretly be a middle-aged woman
Oh, victory is ours! We always knew Taylor Swift wasn't really 24, and now we have the proper evidence to back it up, thanks to Ed Sheeran. Let's celebrate!
Dennis Van Tine/Future Image / WENN.com
The evidence is damning, people! Taylor Swift's bestie, Ed Sheeran, not only revealed in his MTV documentary Nine Days and Nights of Ed Sheeran that the 24-year-old songstress has given him a handmade Drake-lyric needlepoint but has also admitted that he himself suspects Swift has a very old soul.
"I know she's 24, but she's a sort of middle-aged woman trapped in a 24-year-old's body," Sheeran stated. "She hangs out with her cat and sews things."
Boom! There it is. All these years of conspiracy theories and strategy boards, and we finally have the answer. Taylor Swift is obviously an old lady trapped inside the body of a young blond puma (because the singer's body is smokin', you know?). Seriously, 24-year-olds don't give their friends needlepoint gifts, even if it is of embroidered Drizzy lyrics. But wait, there's more! Here is other proof — or rather, confirmation — of Swift's true age:
1. The granny handbags
Photo courtesy of TNYF and WENN.com
Swift has a very whimsical, quirky style, but the woman also clearly has a penchant for granny bags. These are the types of purses our nana used to lug around to church or for a day in the big city. Taylor is obviously trying to tell us that she is 63 deep within her soul.
2. The cats
Come on! The hallmark of a middle-aged single woman is a cat. Swift has two. The singer has a cutesy little cat named Meredith and a brand new kitten named Olivia. The proof is in the pudding.
3. Whatever this is
Taylor has cat stickers on her phone, you guys. This is a step beyond showing photos of your cat to co-workers; this is a constant display of adoration for the feline variety. And she totes this phone around in her Mary Poppins bag. Need we say more?
We're not saying Swift's inner grandma is a bad thing. Heck, this is why she is so adorable. We're just glad we finally have proof of what we have suspected for years. Now, if she wants to make us some needlepoint gifties too, we are not opposed.