Are you familiar with the World Cup sex rules?

Jun 18, 2014 at 11:18 a.m. ET

It's not just the rules of soccer that weigh heavily on the minds of the World Cup players. Some coaches have imposed sex rules on their teams to maximize performance.

Photo courtesy of ATP / WENN.com

Believe it or not, a soccer coach is not just a coach on the field but also an ominous presence in even the most intimate moments of a player's life. While most of us are somewhat adequately versed in the rules of soccer and the World Cup, how much do you know about the sex rules of the tournament? Oh, you bet your tushy theyexist…

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It turns out some countries have allegedly banned their players from any degree of hanky-panky during the World Cup, while others have placed rather arbitrary limitations on the extent or content of their team's sexual liaisons. Didn't see that coming, did you? So many beautiful men, yet none at liberty to do what comes naturally.

So, to begin with, the U.S., Germany, Spain, Australia, Italy, Netherlands, Switzerland, England and Uruguay are free game. They can have sex at any time and as much as their little hearts desire. The libido is the ceiling, ladies. Except, it should be noted, that dirty deeds on the night before a match are prohibited for the Spanish and German teams, but any other night is a go.

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Now, France, Nigeria, Costa Rica and Brazil have a more complex banning system. France allows certain types of sex, which depend on the duration and frequency. Nigeria allows the you-know-what only between married players (and with their wives, not mistresses). Costa Rica allows bootknocking only after the second round. The Brazilian team is permitted whichever sexual activity the player sees fit, as long as it is not "acrobatic." Oh, if we had a nickel for every time acrobatics were involved in the bedroom…

Finally, sexual intercourse is completely banned for the teams from Russia, Chile, Bosnia and Herzegovina and Mexico. So don't even bother crushing on those players — there's no hope there. They will probably go bananas as soon as they land on home soil, though. Best of luck!

Other teams have not provided information on their sex policy. It should be stated that there is no scientific evidence linking sex as impairment to one's physical performance in other areas. We suppose some coaches are just cautious.

What do you think of these rules? And do you think the players actually follow them?

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