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10 Epically ridiculous Gwyneth Paltrow quotes

We love Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop (we swear!), but sometimes the actress just comes up with the most ridiculous things to say. It’s almost a gift!

Photo courtesy of Patrick Hoffman /

Gwyneth Paltrow is a mystery of a woman. We all secretly adore her almost as much as we loathe her (out of unadulterated jealousy). Seriously, aren’t we all subscribed to Goop yet tirelessly make fun of the newsletters every single month? It’s a sickness.

But here’s the deal: Gwynnie is obviously beautiful, fit, healthy, fluent in Spanish and seemingly perfect, but sometimes some strange words tumble out of her mouth. Even the biggest Goop-ies (Goop-ettes?) must admit that Paltrow has a tendency of coming off as a pretentious d-bag from time to time, albeit unintentionally.

Case in point: In the May 29 edition (or Mag #16), Paltrow talks about how she is “fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter.” More specifically, “how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.”

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This revelation was tickled by Dr. Masaru Emoto’s work, whose research on the molecular structure of water is widely considered pseudoscience, and he has even been accused of misleading the public about basic principles of physics. But more important, why is this in Goop? Why, why, why?

With this in mind, we were inspired to find a few other ridiculous or slightly wacky quotes from Ms. Paltrow, whom we still hopelessly adore. We just can’t help it!

1. On the wonders of a garden

“When I pass a flowering zucchini plant in a garden, my heart skips a beat.” — My Father’s Daughter

2. On being true to herself

“I am who I am. I can’t pretend to be somebody who makes $25,000 a year.” — Elle UK, 2009

3. On keeping her kids healthy

“I’d rather smoke crack than eat cheese from a tin.” — iTunes Music Festival, 2011

“I would rather die than let my kid eat Cup-a-Soup.” — Conan O’Brien, 2005

4. On natural things not being bad for you

“We’re human beings, and the sun is the sun — how can it be bad for you? I don’t think anything that’s natural can be bad for you.” — Cosmopolitan UK, 2013

5. On loving hot dogs (but not really)

“I basically love anything that comes in a hot dog bun… except hot dogs.” — My Father’s Daughter

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6. On rocks telling her thangs

“I’ll never forget it. I was starting to hike up the red rocks, and honestly, it was as if I heard the rock say, ‘You have the answers. You are your teacher.’ I thought I was having an auditory hallucination.”

7. On aging gracefully at 29 (!!!)

“Well, you know, beauty fades! I just turned 29, so I probably don’t have that many good years left in me. So there will be a downside eventually.” — NY Rock, 2001

8. On being tight with Jay Z

“I don’t hold on to fear as much as I used to, because I’ve learned a lot about genuinely not caring what strangers think about me. It’s very liberating. It’s very empowering, and I’ve learned a lot of that from Jay—Shawn Carter—Z, because his approach to life is very internal. It’s a very good lesson to learn.” – Harper’s Bazaar, 2013

9. On the Met Gala being un-fun

“I’m never going again. It was so un-fun. It was boiling. It was too crowded. I did not enjoy it at all.”

10. On being a d-bag

“I first had a version of this at a Japanese monastery during a silent retreat — don’t ask, it’s a long story.” — My Father’s Daughter

There you have it! We suppose Paltrow has really found a balance between being super awesome and saying the darndest things. Oh, the glory of it all… Do you have a favourite Gwynnie quote?

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