Why we won’t stop obsessing over the Jay Z-Solange fight

The fight that broke out between Solange Knowles and Jay Z in the elevator changed us. The recent public statement explaining the incident did not help at all.

Photo courtesy of Jeff Grossman and FayesVision / WENN.com

Oh no, no, no. This is not going to work on us! Beyoncé, Jay Z and Solange released a public statement on Monday, addressing the epic street-style fight that took place in the elevator of the Manhattan Standard Hotel without actually explaining anything. The gist of the statement is that we should get over ourselves and move on with our lives. And we’re supposed to fall for that?

“As a result of the public release of the elevator security footage from Monday, May 5th, there has been a great deal of speculation about what triggered the unfortunate incident,” read the statement, first obtained by Associated Press. “But the most important thing is that our family has worked through it.”

If you are a bit out of the loop, TMZ published security footage of the trio in the elevator, showing Solange beating the absolute turd-nuggets out of Jay Z while Beyoncé watched sans interference. The fight was allegedly triggered by something the rapper said to Solange.

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“They both acknowledge their role in this private matter that has played out in the public. They both have apologized to each other and we have moved forward as a united family,” continued the release.

The statement also shot down rumours that Solange was intoxicated during the altercation, and urged the public to move on. Are we supposed to just forget the Mortal Kombat extravaganza within the realm of the elevator because things are cool betwixt Jay and Solange? As if it’s that easy?

We think the fact that the trio did not even hint at the reason for the fight will only spur on the public. They are some of the most famous people in the world; nobody is moving past this any time soon, and here’s why:

1. It’s Queen Bey and Jay Z

This didn’t happen to some reality TV show couple. This happened to Jay Z and Beyoncé, y’all. They are the power couple of the universe. We thought they were untouchable and perfect.

2. Solange was a flipping ninja

OK, who knew? Who knew that Solange was secretly trained in Krav Maga? She just pounced on Jay like a puma during hunting time and could have taken him down if it weren’t for the pesky bodyguard. That’s the kind of stuff that stays with you for years…

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3. Nobody saw it coming

We were all watching the video, thinking Solange was going to tap Jay on the shoulder with her clutch and look very furious about it. But then the gates of hades opened up, and a whole whack of violence poured out. It wasn’t just Solange’s battle skills that surprised us but the fact that it happened in the first place.

4. We don’t know what happened

This is the big one right here. We get the apology — everyone loves each other now, blah blah blah… But tell us. Just tell us. Just do it. Tell us. Tell. Us. We can’t sleep. We can’t eat. Our theory board is out of control. We need to know. We will sell our vital organs for this information.

Do you think this apology will put anyone’s mind at ease? What do you think set off the conflict? Will we ever know what really happened?

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