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5 Lessons all kids should learn from Bieber’s criminal history

Justin Bieber has run into some legal trouble again, standing accused of robbery at a miniature golf course. Thinking ahead, here are some lessons we’ve learned from the pop star.

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Are we sensing a cry for help here? Justin Bieber has landed himself in some hot water yet again. This time, the 20-year-old singer is being investigated for attempted robbery by the Los Angeles Police Department after a woman accused him of snatching her phone at a miniature golf course on Monday. She was allegedly attempting to take a photo of Bieber before the incident.

“Robbery special section is investigating an incident that occurred on Monday May 12th in the 4900 block of North Sepulveda Blvd,” read the statement issued by the LAPD. “The incident occurred between an individual and Justin Bieber near the batting cages at approximately 10:30pm. The case is under investigation.”

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What gives Bieber? Keep your happy (snatchy?) hands to yourself. We’re actually just about ready to write our book on Bieber’s recent run-ins with the long arm of the law. We daresay, he has had too many. Considering that Justin will forevermore be a child in our eyes and we have a great sense of duty to protect all future generations, we’ve gathered a few lessons kids of tomorrow can absorb from Bieber’s gorgeous criminal record. Enjoy!

1. Do not snatch random people’s possessions

Seems pretty simple. It’s one of the first lessons you learn in kindergarten — to respect other people’s property. Bieber must have napped through that one. Paws off the goods, J.B.!

2. Do not egg your millionaire neighbour’s house (And cause $20,000 worth of damages)

If you’re going to egg a neighbour, make sure their house is a dump. . . Kidding! Just don’t egg your neighbour’s home. Or anyone’s home for that matter. Eggs smell and are actually a valuable commodity to regular folks. Waste not. If your neighbour really grinds your gears, make an omelette of angst instead.

3. Don’t drive whilst high or drunk (and without a license!)

Again, seems pretty obvious. . . But it’s not. Driving a car under the influence without a license is not cool, kids. Sleep it off. You can crash your parents’ car when you’re sober.

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4. Listen to the police, and don’t be a jerk about it

If the traffic patrol pulls you over, we recommend you comply. While we understand that “sticking it to the man” is all the rage amongst youths, police officers have the authority to jail your inexperienced bum for some time. . . It’d be wiser not to mess with them. Don’t pull a Bieber; just listen.

5. Don’t use Twitter to vindicate yourself

If you broke a law, or if you are suspected of breaking a law, don’t go on social media to try to explain yourself. That’s like trying to get red wine out of taupe carpet by fervently scrubbing it with a chainsaw. Zip it. Figure out what’s going on, and talk about it when it’s all over.

What other lessons have you learned from Justin Bieber of late?

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