It is officially summer! But before you start a vicious cycle of aggressive drinking and unforgiving hangovers, take a look at some of our suggestions for how to avoid the messiness that comes with summertime partying. You can still have an entertainment-filled summer while maintaining your ladylike sensibilities!
What’s this extra bounce in our step? This song in our hearts? What’s that unmistakable glow shining from within us? Why, it must be summer! Yes, ladies, we made it. We can finally break out the flip-flops and tank tops with pride and celebrate the glory that is these next few precious months of beautiful, beautiful heat.
But while you’re sipping that sangria on the patio for the fourth night in a row, we just wanted to remind everybody that we are, indeed, ladies. Ladies drink and party until just before their carriages turn back to pumpkins and their gowns to rags; they don’t drunkenly stumble home every weekday and watch their nights’ sustenance come back up for an encore. And so, while we encourage each one of you to have the best, most entertaining summer ever, we offer you some tips for how to also ensure it is a sensible one. With our help, you’ll avoid any chance of your previous summer nickname, Li’l LiLo, making a return.
Find the right song
No summer is complete without the right soundtrack. Years later, hearing certain songs by artists who may not even be relevant anymore can bring you back to that summer you decided to dye your hair pink or the one when you made a vow to drink nothing but Diet Coke. There is unquestionably an impressive bounty of songs just waiting to be your anthem this summer, but when you’re making your final decision, be sure to select one that won’t inspire behaviour that will eventually bring back memories of the taste of stomach acid when you suddenly hear it again in November. Try choosing something fun yet conservative, playful yet cautious. Might we suggest Carly Rae Jepsen‘s infectiously innocent “Call Me Maybe”?
Moderate your intake of blockbuster movies
Sometimes it’s hard to control ourselves with so many can’t-miss movies to see during the summer. With the upcoming releases of The Amazing Spider-Man and The Dark Knight Rises, we’re sure you’re excitedly preparing your pupils for some solid hours in the dark. Obviously, though, too much of a good thing can at times be detrimental. And so, while it may be worth watching Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield fall in love onscreen for the fifth time in a week, it is important to remember how much healthier it is to take things in moderation. You don’t want to look pastier at the end of summer than when it started.
As a lady, you should know that the biggest summer rookie mistake of all is adopting a sense of imperviousness to the sun’s powerful rays. That’s why instead of walking around town in nothing but a bikini top and Daisy Dukes at the risk of getting an incapacitating sunburn before Canada Day even rolls around, you know to dress far more sensibly. Linen is your friend, as are cotton, silk and wide-brim hats. Showing some skin is certainly encouraged — we know you’ve been working on those legs all spring — but just keep an eye on your exposure. You’ll be happy you did when at night you’re up and dancing in the middle of the floor rather than staying at home bathing in aloe. Plus, too much exposure to the sun makes for a much nastier hangover.
Enjoy summer concerts and festivals with caution
This summer, there are plenty of opportunities to see your favourite musicians take the stage all over Canada, not to mention the countless cultural festivals going on around the country. Whether you decide to chill in the grass and listen to the dulcet tones of Sarah Mclachlan in Stanley Park, or to get your fill of lamb kebab at Toronto’s Taste of the Danforth, be sure to keep your wits about you. You’ll know you’ve gone too far when you find you’ve won the spanakopita eating contest or are crowd-surfing during “I Will Remember You.”
Choose a gentleman summer fling
You are a lady, after all. And before you say, “But that is simply impossible! It’s an oxymoron! I’d sooner just fall into bed with the first person who buys me a drink,” consider that somewhere out there, a young man is receiving advice on how to have his own unmessy summer, hoping to meet not just another drunk chick at his friend’s party to take home, but a civilized, together person such as yourself with whom he can share meaningful conversation at the foot of a wooden dock. Has Nicholas Sparks taught us nothing?