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Ellen’s new calling? Celebrity matchmaker

Never mind being the host of one of the most popular talk shows around: Ellen DeGeneres should quit her day job and become a professional matchmaker for single celebrities!

Ellen DegeneresEllen DeGeneres is a very busy woman: Her talk show, Ellen, is one of the most popular in the world; she is special envoy for Global AIDS Awareness and supporter of countless charities; and she is the spokesperson for JCPenney, to name just a few of her many ventures. But all her current involvements apparently just aren’t enough for the adorable Ellen, who seems to be testing the tempestuous though tempting waters of what could very well become her newest hobby: celebrity matchmaking.

It’s a hobby she seems to be very interested in, despite how innocently she fell into it. Last month, Ellen had Jennifer Love Hewitt on her show to promote her new series (and ticket to her comeback), The Client List. During her interview, Jennifer shared her excitement that Adam Levine was back on the market after his then very recent breakup with Victoria’s Secret model Anne Vyalitsyna. Ellen grew very excited by this information, and when Adam Levine appeared on her show a few weeks later, Ellen made it her business to see if there was any chance that he might reciprocate Jennifer’s feelings. Sadly he was not seduced by Jennifer’s “aggressive” crush, but he was flattered nonetheless. When Ellen asked if he’d like her to set something up with Jennifer, he politely declined.

OK, so this attempt at matchmaking didn’t end the way Ellen may have hoped it would. But no one gets things perfect their very first crack at the bat. We should all applaud Ellen’s determination to perfect the fine art of celebrity matchmaking, which she has just attempted once again. Eva Mendes, who recently made an appearance as Ellen’s guest, got pretty giggly when the subject turned to Ryan Gosling, Eva’s rumoured new man. Ellen and Eva got to talking about Ryan’s love for onesie pyjamas, a sentiment Eva apparently happens to share. On the off-chance that Ryan and Eva would ever run into each other, Ellen presented Eva with two sets of onesie pyjamas — one for her, one for Ryan — which would serve as the perfect icebreaker.

Now, we’re not stupid: Clearly Ellen knows something the public only suspects about the nature of Ryan and Eva’s relationship, especially after their recent rendezvous to Disneyland. But Ellen’s assistance in the matter with her generous, romantic gift of matching onesie pyjamas is still a clear sign of her matchmaker inclinations and her dedication to the cause. Practice makes perfect, and why not practice by helping strengthen the bond of a teetering-on-the-edge-of-official couple?

Ellen may be at the start of something huge here. People already love Ellen. And they love matchmaker shows. And they especially love celebrities. To combine all of those elements into one glorious entity may just be the cause of world peace. Imagine: Ellen hosting a matchmaking show for only the world’s most beloved and beautiful celebrities. The thought alone of Ellen handing out matching anything — pyjamas, underwear, toothbrushes — to speed up the dating process is reason enough for even the longest-standing celebrity couples to break up for a chance to appear on the show.

We know you’re busy, Ellen, but do consider our idea. We have faith in your matchmaking skills, and we’ve been waiting for Jake Gyllenhaal to hook up with Zooey Deschanel forever.

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