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Awkward season finale: The 9 most not-so-shocking shockers

Awkward ended its fourth season with a few bangs, some of them genuinely shocking — others not so much. To be fair, all of these moments were actually shocking on their own, but the scenes that led up to, and hinted at, these shocking moments were about as subtle as a Dancing With the Stars contestant encouraging viewers to vote for them.

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So, let’s take a look at some of these moments and break them down into two categories: the legit shockers and the wannabe shockers.

Wannabe shocker: Lacey is pregnant

Yeah, as soon as a woman vomits on television, you know she’s baking something in that oven of hers. My notes literally say, “Lacey vomiting — obviously pregnant.” And, sure enough, 30 seconds later, she was telling Hot Dad Whose Baby We Would Carry In A Heartbeat™ that he was about to enjoy a second go on the parenting ride.

Legit shocker: Jenna is totally cool with it

Hands up if you thought Jenna would be a brat about losing her only child status? You may all now put your hands down. Not only was Jenna totally mature about being a mature-age, first-time sibling, she shut down Lacey’s idea that having this baby meant nixing her plans to go to college.

Wannabe shocker: Tamara got engaged

OK, so I’m being a little unfair here. Tamara getting engaged came totally out of the blue. However, something insanely impulsive, oh, you know, like getting engaged to someone in Mexico who you’ve only known for un minuto caliente, is not at all out of character for her. So, no, you may not color us surprised about this development.

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Legit shocker: Tamara has become mute

Yep, Tamara was so mesmerized by Adam, her extremely new fiancé, that she managed to not speak for a good 20 seconds, which is pretty much the longest time she’s been on-screen without opening her mouth to let words come out. Currently, Adam thinks she doesn’t speak all that much, so we won’t be shocked when she does find her voice again and Adam wishes he’d never turned his chair around for her. Now, I’m actually imagining Tamara on The Voice and wishing I’d never made that analogy. Save yourselves while you still can!

Wannabe shocker: Val is quitting her job and going traveling

OK, sure.

Legit shocker: Val interacted with a shark and didn’t die

Um, you guys, I am from Australia, so trust me when I tell you that, usually, sharks don’t just placidly stay there when you “pet” them in the open water. Most of the time, you’re lucky if you come away with only one less limb. And the “juvenile” shark Val was making friends with? Yeah, I’m just going to suggest everyone Google “juvenile great white shark” and “bite” and leave it at that. What a fun, private time activity, one that those who live coastal might like to consider avoiding at all costs. Perhaps that Marine friend of Jenna’s who wants to be a marine biologist can explain how great whites work?

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Wannabe shocker: Sadie will miss Sergio

Turns out, Sadie cranked her usual venom-spewing levels to 11 because she’s going to miss Sergio when she heads off to Columbia. Well, obviously. We’re all acting out because we’re going to miss Sergio. It was more shocking that she had a moment of introspection and was herself able to identify why she was employing a particular brand of douche canoe. Us? We knew why she was doing it from the moment she hurled her first post-“Hameltamp” insult this episode.

Legit shocker: The term “bio dad” is sticking

You guys, it sounds like Matty’s biological father is actually bionic when they throw this term around. Please, cease usage of this label immediately. No good can come of it if no artificial limbs are going to make an appearance. While we’re talking about Matty’s dad, though, and apologies if this is a very fishing-ignorant question, but is that actually where fishermen usually position their poles? Because we’re starting to understand why they call them “rods.”

Wannabe shocker: Jake and Gabby hooked up

That writing was on the wall as soon as Gabby put her arms out for a hug, and that writing was so obvious, it actually said, “Gabby and Jake will have hooked up the next time you see them.”

What did you think of Awkward‘s season finale? Were the shockers shocking for you?

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