The new video for Beyoncé’s contribution to the Fifty Shades of Grey soundtrack is here, and it’s seriously some American Horror Story shizz. Here are 11 things we thought while watching it for the first time.
1. Yoncé, that Cruella De Vil coat had better be fake fur, girl.
2. Wow, this is kinda like The Hollywood Tower Hotel at Disney World. Is Bey gonna ride another roller coaster like in “XO”?
3. Probably not. She definitely wants to ride that bellboy, though.
4. Is this the same house from the “Partition” video? Is this some kind of kinky sex alternate universe?
5. Wait, why is she taking the stairs? No one takes the stairs. Oh, maybe she actually has gone on the Hollywood Tower Hotel ride. That’s why she’s taking the stairs.
6. Aaaaah, Crazy Cat Lady is crazy!
7. There’s a whole lot of freaky sex going on up in this hizzay. This whole thing is like The Shining meets the “Justify My Love” video.
8. Sex with gas masks and feathers seems like it would be extremely uncomfortable. And like there would be a gimp involved.
9. Beyoncé’s booty is really pale. Mine isn’t even that pale and it hasn’t seen the light of day in like two years. That’s like Dita Von Teese pale.
10. Work that crown, Creepy Queen B.
11. Can I show this to my son? He is obsessed with Beyoncé. But he’s only 2-1/2 years old. So probably not, right?