Spoilers: The Newsroom finale points to death and incarceration

Nov 18, 2014 at 4:58 p.m. ET
Image: HBO

As if seeing the words "series finale" in relation to The Newsroom wasn't bad enough (at this point in time, I'd like to politely request that all haters respectfully pipe down), now someone's going to die, too? You're killing us, Sorkin (in addition to a character, it seems).

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HBO just released synopses for The Newsroom's December episodes — the penultimate and last hurrahs, titled "On Shenandoah" and "What Kind of Day Has It Been," respectively — and they are heavy on sudden death, incarceration, sexual abuse and being stuck in Russia. Russia! It looks like the festive season really is upon us (also a sore point among us at the moment: We're never going to get a Christmas-themed episode of The Newsroom, but that's a lament for another day).

Bear with us while we wallow in self-pity at all of these morose developments and break down the most spoiler-y aspects of HBO's synopses revelation.

Will is incarcerated for contempt

OK, so this isn't really all that surprising given in Sunday's episode, we saw Will convince Neal to tell him his "espionage source" and then instruct Neal to run. And by "run," we mean get the hell out of Dodge and don't use a credit card to pay for how you're going to get out of Dodge. So, we can only guess that Will is refusing to give up the source and has, therefore, been given the opportunity to ponder the meaning of life in a confined space with a bunch of other nice gentlemen. This jailbird-Will development raises an even bigger question, though, which brings me to the next spoiler.

Where in the Sam Hill is Neal?

OK, so I suppose the spoiler would be actually telling us where Neal is, but that hasn't been disclosed as yet (I like to imagine him making his way to India to participate in the Indian version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire, but that's just me). We do know, however, that Neal is being replaced by a wee lad named Bree (played by Jon Bass) and Sloan is not happy about it, and we all know Sloan is at her best when she is fired up about stuff.

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Jim and Maggie are stranded in Moscow — and then they try to go to Cuba

Isn't that everyone's definition of the trip of a lifetime? You know, we'd probably go to the Maldives first, but we suppose the breaking news there isn't as pressing. In the series' second-to-last episode, Maggie and Jim will find themselves stranded in a Moscow airport and will "look to land seats on a Cuban-bound plane, hoping to interview one of its high-profile passengers." Um, guys, I'm not sure that's such a great idea; don't both of you know that only Beyoncé and Jay Z are allowed to go to Cuba? Apparently, Maggie lands an interview for a field producer position in Washington in the series' final episode, so I sure do hope she makes it back from Havana in time for that.

Side note for anyone who currently has "April Sun in Cuba" stuck in their head: We should be friends, because we are obviously on the same page about stuff.

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Someone is dying

Per the last episode synopsis, "A sudden death leads Will and Mac to ponder the milestones that transformed the newsroom." So, I suppose, if Will and Mac are there to ponder stuff, then they're obviously not the ones going to the big newsroom in the sky. And, sure, it could be someone who we've never heard of and who is completely inconsequential, but what would be the point in that? You know who isn't mentioned in this episode's synopsis? Charlie. I repeat: Charlie is not mentioned in the synopsis for the sudden death episode. Please excuse me while I seek medical attention for the hysteria I'm currently suffering.

Who do you think is going to bite the proverbial bullet? And what do you think about the other series finale developments? Let us know in the comments.