Despite what some of The Newsroom‘s critics have to say, we think the show is bursting at the seams with lovable characters, all brilliantly sarcastic, enviably cerebral, wholeheartedly dedicated to their jobs and packing some uniquely individual charm and wit. Even characters we weren’t all that fond of to begin with grew on us (paging Season 1’s Don Keefer).
But atop that seemingly never-ending pile of characters we’ve become quite attached to sits one character who we’ll be particularly distraught to bid goodbye in only a few short episodes. For a character who wasn’t even present in the pilot episode, Sloan Sabbith certainly has wormed her way into our hearts, none more so than my own.
Always whip-smart (every time she opens her mouth to talk about the Dow or something else finance-y, her obvious level of intelligence makes me question why I have yet to make the very natural leap to the world of corporate finance; Wall Street is practically begging me to get in there and sort stuff out), hilariously awkward and endearingly blunt, Sloan Sabbith is creeping up on C.J. Cregg as my fictional professional idol (Kirk from Gilmore Girls is sitting in third place, for those who are desperate to know). If you ask me (and even though you didn’t, I’m going to tell you anyway), Sloan’s most admired quality is that she has that elusive combination we’ve all been striving for: being super-cool and a total nerd all at the same time.
Whether she’s kicking a guy in the groin, sparring with Charlie, taking the bull Don by the horns face, anchoring special news coverage or not giving Neal a choice about adhering to her every request, Sloan is a total boss who delivers a zinger with such trademark spice, Tabasco should look into bottling it.
So, in honor of Sloan being a consistent standout on a show where so many characters get the chance to shine, we’ve compiled a list of moments that made us want to be her. And, while we’re at it, we’re just going to tentatively/permanently refer to her as the Beyoncé of The Newsroom from now on.
Sloan threatens to dance on Charlie’s grave
We can see merit in some of the issues some viewers have had with the way Charlie speaks to Sloan at times, but in those moments (like this one), we’re also pretty sure she makes him well aware that she’s a more than formidable adversary. And while we’re not endorsing any female-centric insults Charlie throws Sloan’s way in this video, we do know from multiple other scenes that Charlie very much cares for Sloan and won’t hesitate to go to bat for her.
Sloan goes rogue
In Charlie vs. Sloan: The Sequel, we learned a couple of things: 1. Sloan can speak Japanese and, therefore, we are currently perusing Japanese language materials on Amazon. 2. We wish there was an opportunity for us to say we don’t want the pay and actually mean it. 3. Our money is on Sloan in a verbal stoush with pretty much anybody.
Sloan speaks about the debt ceiling; we actually pay attention
Sloan’s impassioned speech about the debt ceiling was probably the first time the debt ceiling was mentioned where we didn’t lose the will to live. She really knows her stuff, and we’re particularly fond of her passion for passing on what she knows so that other people can know their stuff, too. You know, kinda like the public service we’re providing to our readers with this article. It’s basically the same thing.
Sloan Sabbith: Reindeer aficionada
The thing about Sloan is that she’s a total badass, even when she’s discussing Santa Claus and reindeer.
Sloan has a plan for prison survival
We’re not sure what we like more — the fact Sloan completely shuts down Don’s chances of surviving a stay in the big house or the fact she genuinely believes she would totally thrive in jail. Come to think of it, she’d probably get on real well with Crazy Eyes. I see many a pie being thrown on Sloan’s behalf.
Sloan takes matters into her own hands
Um, we are totally buying what Sloan is selling. She’s totally going to sell it, right? Because we need it. It doesn’t look half as good when we kiss unsuspecting co-workers, shove a book in their chests and then waltz on out of there like it was NBD.
Sloan gets cut off… repeatedly
Even when she’s being cut off, Sloan is hilarious. That final look of disgust she’s got going on? We’re currently mirroring it because we’re annoyed she didn’t get to say stuff. We like it when she says stuff.
Sloan whips Don like a cream at his own game
Sloan: all the points ever. Don: big fat zero.