15 Nick Offerman quotes, dance moves that'll make you love the bearded man

Nov 3, 2014 at 6:20 p.m. ET
Image: WENN

Nick Offerman's amazing parody on John Oliver's show isn't his only awesome moment. He's been rocking our world for years... and we want him. We want him like a real man wants red meat and whiskey.

While we're perfectly capable of separating most actors from the characters they play on television, we have a hard time doing so with Offerman. After reading his hilarious book, Paddle Your Own Canoe, it became increasingly obvious just how similar Offerman and his Parks and Recreation character, Ron Swanson, are... and how easily they can get it. Need proof that Offerman is a funny guy, even without Leslie Knope at his side? Check out this Last Week Tonight skit he recently pulled off.


There's so much about Offerman worth loving. We scoured the interwebs to help us illustrate his awesomeness. Be advised: While many of these GIFs might show Offerman in character as Ron Swanson, we know from Paddle that he fully supports many of Swanson's uber-manly opinions.

1. He appreciates meat with wild abandon

Meat is murder. Delicious and life-sustaining murder.

Ron Swanson

GIF credit: Giphy.com

2. He's no lightweight

Offerman and Swanson both spend a lot of time waxing poetic about whiskey, but they're not picky when it's time to spend the night abusing alcohol. We love a guy who can hold his liquor.

Ron Swanson

GIF credit: Giphy.com

3. But, he has his limits

Ron Swanson

GIF credit: Giphy.com

4. He doesn't hate church

"The notion of getting together as a community to remind ourselves why we shouldn't behave like animals is a f***ing great idea," Offerman wrote about churchgoing.

5. But, he's very pragmatic about religious ideology

"It's a cool story, don't get me wrong; I love magic," he wrote about creationism.

6. He's great at giving advice

Marathoners, play close attention!


7. He's not a fan of multitasking

Ron Swanson

GIF credit: Giphy.com

8. And he's a firm believer in hard work

"I'd eventually learn that nothing beats hard work," he wrote. Along with, "Damn it all, you have been given a life on this beautiful planet! Get off your ass and do something!"

9. He has very strong opinions on what constitutes a pet

We actually can't find proof that Offerman and Swanson share opinions on this. We do, however, really, really hope so!

Ron Swanson

GIF credit: Giphy.com

10. He's one with nature (and apparently likes Enya)

During another passage in his book, Offerman spoke of the importance of spending time in nature. "Finding yourself a spot by a creek or under a tree or atop a butte or along the shore where you can sit and look and not think brings a peace that not even the most mellow of Enya tunes can achieve."

11. He supports gay marriage

"I can spy no distinction between denying two loving people equal marriage rights and refusing to let a black person drink from the same water fountain as white folks," he wrote. "Both are examples of We the People s***ting the bed in regards to defending each and every person's inalienable rights."

12. That beard and scowl

You know all the times you wanted to scream, "My boyfriend is going to kick your ass!" to some rude guy on the street? Nick Offerman has the perfect look to accompany your claims. Then again, it's probably safe to say that no one would even mess with you if you're walking beside a man with this handsome and intimidating mug.

Nick Offerman

Photo credit: TeamCoco/YouTube

13. He knows how to have fun

In Paddle, he spends time talking about break dancing and we highly recommend you check out the cartoons of his lumberjack form doing the whirling dervish. For now, though, feast your eyes upon his Parks and Rec moves.

Ron Swanson

GIF credit: Giphy.com

Or, you know, check him out popping and locking for Fallon.


14. He's great with wood

Unless you're already an Offerman fan, you may not know that he owns a workshop. We found this tour of the facilities. Try not to let your ovaries explode all over your laptop. True story: We have no idea what he's talking about... but, we love to listen.


15. He's a truly loving husband

Finally, we'd be complete floozies if we didn't point out how aware we are that he's married to the gorgeous and equally talented Megan Mullally. Another reason why we love him is because of how adorable the two of them are together. Most importantly, we adore his beautiful and sweet book dedication to his wife, "To Megan, my wife, cherry blossom, and legal property, who teaches me life every day."

Oh, good God! Listen, we don't want to (and know that we couldn't possibly) steal Offerman from his sexy-as-hell wife. We're just saying that, you know, if Hollywood takes its toll on their marriage. We're available.

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