They never really broke up
Gwyneth Paltrow and her husband Chris Martin didn’t officially break up. As everyone knows, the pair “consciously uncoupled.” That is so much more peaceful and sophisticated than “divorced” or “split up.” Breakups are hard to come back from — it’s much easier to patch things up if people consciously uncouple because they can just consciously recouple.
They hang out together
It seems every week we read about how Paltrow and Martin are hanging out. First, there was that post-split vacation to the Bahamas. “Hey, babe, I know we’re uncoupled and all, but pack your bags because we’re headed to the Exuma Islands,” said no broken-up couple, ever. Then there was that July theater date in East Hampton, New York.
Since then the couple has had family dinners, and Martin bought a house across the street from Paltrow’s, where he hosted a birthday party for her! And how about that video of Paltrow stroking Martin’s face amid rumors that Martin and Jennifer Lawrence have also uncoupled? Gasp. What’s happening here? This “uncoupled” couple gets along better than most still-together couples!
They have kids together
Here is what a lot of married couples learn the hard way after they split up. People you date once you’re divorced will oftentimes tolerate your kids out of obligation. No matter how much effort a new flame puts forth and through absolutely no fault of the well-meaning new boyfriend (or girlfriend), there is typically only one other person who will love your kids with the same lay-your-life-down-for-them dedication — and that’s the other parent.
With Paltrow being so cautious about trying to proceed through a breakup with as minimal collateral damage as possible, it’s obvious her kids are at the forefront of her breakup decisions. It is probably safe to assume they would be at the forefront of any reconciliation decisions.
Paltrow has a lot of haters
Paltrow can’t get no love. Well-intentioned though she may be, it seems every time she opens her mouth, she annoys someone. Lately, she’s stirred the ire of domestic diva Martha Stewart. Paltrow really needs a supportive ally — someone who has her back despite her high-brow ways. Cue Martin — a guy who still seems to have a great deal of affection for her despite her discussions with water and her bizarre diet rituals.
Paltrow and Martin can do us all a big favor and get back together because we’re not really in the mood, nor do we have the patience, to follow their respective rebounds. Lawrence and Martin have already parted company after four months of dating. Paltrow is rumored to be seeing Glee co-creator Brad Falchuk, but Paltrow already dated a Brad, and we all know how that ended. The time has come for these two to fast-forward to the inevitable and couple up already.