Why Casper was the movie that launched a thousand puberties

Oct 28, 2014 at 2:03 p.m. ET
Image: Amblin Entertainment Via YouTube

It's kind of awkward realizing you are sexually attracted to a cartoon ghost who vaguely looks like a legless rendering of Harold from Harold and the Purple Crayon. But that's just what happened to me when I saw Casper back in 1995.

Casper movie and Harold and the Purple Crayons

Photo credits: Amblin Entertainment via YouTube; Harper and Brothers via Wikipedia

I was 10. Everything about this movie appealed to my pre-teen sensibilities: Bad CGI, Christina Ricci and a fart joke. Oh, and the most darling apparition ever. I mean, look at those cute babeh hands.

Casper hands

GIF credit: Giphy.com

But then ZOMG, it turns out in the end that Casper was hot. Like, really hawt. Look. Look at that sandy middle-part bowl cut and tell me you do not feel all the feels right now.

Photo credit: Amblin Entertainment via YouTube

OK, so this was the moment I rewound on my VHS player, like, 50 times. Forget being friends with Cute Casper, the clumsy little sprite. I wanted to be more than friends with Hot Casper, the lightly freckled creeper who says things like this.

Casper can I keep you?

GIF credit: Giphy.com

I mean, what? Go home, Christina Ricci. You're drunk. I'll take it from here. And oh, you're wearing a pirate costume? Is that a sword in your pocket or…

Christina Ricci and Devon Sawa Casper

GIF credit: Giphy.com

And then he gives her a perfect, chaste little kiss, and that's when I started puberty. Like, right there, full-on. My ovaries were like cannons on the Fourth of July.

Casper movie kiss

GIF credit: Giphy.com

So along comes Christina Ricci's dead mom, who's all like, "It's cool. There are flowy red dresses in heaven."

Casper movie

GIF credit: Giphy.com

And then, after stroking Bill Pullman's face and enjoying the paranormal breeze as it gently flows through her luminous perm, she's like, "Time's up, Hot Casper. Back to having babeh eyes and babeh hands."

Casper movie

GIF credit: Giphy.com

And then Casper totally gets friend-zoned.

Casper movie

GIF credit: Giphy.com

So yeah. Now I have a fetish for dead people in pirate costumes. Thanks, Casper! You'll always have a special place in my DVR.

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