Every time Air New Zealand, Elijah Wood made LOTR-obsessed minds explode

Would you listen to flight safety instructions if they came from Frodo? Thanks to Air New Zealand’s epic new Lord of the Rings-themed safety video, you’ll never look at those standard in-flight demos the same way.

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Because we couldn’t help nerding out over Elijah Wood and all of the Middle-earth glory, we memorialized all the moments that this brilliant safety video almost made our LOTR-loving brains explode.

1. Welcome to the airport, my precious

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All GIFs via YouTube/AirNewZealand

The video starts with this LOTR-obsessed couple sprinting through the airport to catch their plane. We know what you’re thinking: Is that seriously a gigantic bust of Gollum in the airport? The answer, my friends, is hell yes. The 9.8-foot-high, 43-foot-long sculpture resides at the Wellington International Airport in New Zealand. And, yes, that did just get added to my “places I must visit before I die even if I have to barter a kidney to get there” list.

2. Elijah Wood is in the house, er, plane

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Listen, this couple’s overjoyed reaction to being seated across from Elijah Wood clearly makes the actor squirm, but I think they showed a lot of restraint. I would have totally fangirled out if I was one beverage cart’s width away from Frodo.

3. Journey to Middle-earth

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By some magical wormhole or dream sequence, these guys were fortunate enough to wind up in the Shire. Whatever seats they were sitting in, I’d like to reserve them. Forever.

4. Pay attention — there’s an elf talking

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Yeah, this lady doesn’t even have to ask for my attention. She’s in the Shire, dressed as elven royalty. I. Am. Riveted.

5. Stash your valuables

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If you’re looking for a pot of gold, forget about the end of the rainbow. Just book a flight on Air New Zealand and check the seat in front of you.

6. Stunning! And the scenery is nice, too

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Aragorn he may not be, but then again, even Viggo Mortensen isn’t as hot as Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn. Still, if this steed-riding paragon of safety tells me to keep my seat belt fastened, I’m all ears.

7. Orc alert

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“There’s no need to sound the alarm if the bag doesn’t inflate. There’s plenty of oxygen flowing through freely.” Also known as: Don’t panic… even in the presence of orcs.

8. That’s what you call first class

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Even if you aren’t trying to get away from Mount Doom, like Frodo and Sam, flying by gigantic eagle seems like a pretty excellent option. Plus, Gandalf.

9. Gollum 2.0

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Finally, “my precious” makes a cameo. And, if you’re a die-hard fan like us, you’ll appreciation the imagery of this dude’s hand plunging into the river rocks to grab the ring.

11. Don’t worry… they have Elijah Wood-sized life jackets

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“Crew will provide cute little life jackets for our littlest people, should you need one.” Teehee… Elijah Wood, littlest people. He really is hobbit-sized!

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12. Tokin’ will turn your sword blue

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So what if Gandalf smokes one of these things? If Gandalf jumped off a bridge, would you? Damn it… we would, too. But only if it was the Bridge of Khazad-dûm and we were trying to save him from a Balrog of Morgoth.

13. Love Orcs will light the way

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In the event of a power failure, fear not. Orcs will light the aisles. No, wait. Lights — lights will light the aisles. The orcs are just for dramatic effect.

14. Is that Gimli?

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Be still, our beating hearts! He may be brutish, but we’ve always had a little crush on the little bearded, ax-wielding warrior. This has to at least be a distant cousin of Gimli’s, right?

15. This day, we fly!

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After watching this epic battle scene, we’d happily hold our ground alongside the flight attendants of Air New Zealand. A day may come when the courage of men fails… but this is not that day.

16. Peter Jackson, y’all

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The man, the myth, the frickin’ amazing director chimes in to say, “And cut! It’s time to stow all electronic devices.” Way more effective than those cheesy faux-previews before movies telling you to pocket your smartphone.

17. All’s well that ends… in Middle-earth

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While everyone rushing into battle only to hug and socialize might leave some longing for LOTR‘s unrivaled war scenes, it just makes us miss the Fellowship (and, subsequently, make plans to binge-watch the movies this weekend).

18. Best 5 minutes I’ve spent all week

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My day has officially been made.

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Check out the most epic safety video ever made for yourself. But, in full disclosure, you’re probably going to want to pack your bags and move to New Zealand… and/or get that Tolkien-inspired tattoo you’ve been secretly considering all these years.