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Kate Mara, Ellen Page prove short people are horrible detectives (VIDEO)

Love detective shows but hate the murder-y vibe? Kate Mara and Ellen Page teamed up with Funny or Die (and Steve Agee) to make the funniest True Detective parody ever.

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Don’t ever call best buds Page and Mara terrible detectives. They prefer the term “tiny.” As the Funny or Die spoof shares, Mara is only five feet two inches tall, and Page measures in an inch shorter. This may not be the most interesting fact about the two actresses, but it’s the one the actresses and the geniuses at FOD capitalized on for the parody.

This isn’t Mara and Page’s only connection with True Detective. The two petite actresses have been lobbying HBO and showrunners for quite some time, eager to find roles on gritty detective show that debuted last year and immediately became a huge success. Sadly, even after creating a Twitter campaign, hashtag and all, neither of the actresses made anyone’s shortlist for Season 2.

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Their next best option? To create the world’s best parody of their favorite program. Check it out.
Could this be any more perfect? Page captures True Detective‘s often mind-boggling dialogue perfectly when she mutters “hiding in a straight circle.” (We think that’s what she’s saying. She really nailed that much-talked-about nonsense mumbling.) But the rest of the video is just pure comedy in its best form. Our favorite part: when they each peer over a different shoulder of the tall detective sitting in front of them… and still can’t see the face of the murderer on the projector screen. Though “Oh! That’s just my face penis,” might be the most quotable line of the one-minute clip.

These girls are hysterical. We know better, but we still hope somewhere out there is at least one full hour of them being “Tiny Detectives.” We don’t expect to see more of this particular “show,” but we still think someone ought to set up the friends with their own series. Just, please: Don’t ruin it by asking if they sleep in a shoebox. That’s personal.

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