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6 Other things CeeLo might not “understand”

Once again, singer CeeLo Green is in the hot seat after taking to Twitter to discuss ongoing litigation involving spiking an unwitting woman’s drink. Among the string of controversial comments? That “people who have really been raped REMEMBER!!!”

Clearly, Green’s comments are empirically untrue and dangerously misleading. And while we’ve been fans of the eccentric singer in the past, we suspect he’s clueless about many things. Namely, six.

1. First and foremost, the concept of an apology

When Green took to Twitter in response to the backlash (because airing things out on the social media forum seems to be working out so well for him), he kind of (maybe-ish?) apologized, saying, “I’d never condone the harm of any women,” and pointing out that his comments were “taken so far out of context.” Then, this: 

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So, wait… they were “attributed” to you now? Um, by you? Not the way that works, pal. Here’s a crash course in apologizing. Repeat after us: I’m sorry. I was wrong. That was an a-hole thing to say.

2. Time

Maybe he should borrow Flavor Flav’s giant neck watch, because CeeLo Green can’t seem to get anywhere on time. In fact, his lack of punctuality has led to a few major controversies. In April 2011, he stormed off the stage after his mic was cut due to him showing up half an hour late. People booed and it was no bueno. In September 2013, he was barred from entering the building for an appearance on Sirius Radio’s Opie and Anthony show due to failing to arrive on time. Little help here, Flav.

3. The purpose of sunglasses

Cee Lo Green

GIF via NBC/

The name of the item itself should offer a big clue as to what these babies are for — the sun. As in, shielding your eyes from the sun. Hence, sun + glasses. When you wear sunglasses inside at night, as Green is so wont to doing, it makes us think he’s doing some lookin’ and some leerin’ that we probably wouldn’t be likin’.

3. Animals aren’t accessories

Green claims to be an animal lover, but how much can you really love animals if every other day you’re wearing one? You sure don’t see Pamela Anderson strutting her stuff in a mink stole. But in addition to drawing heat for flaunting fur coats, Green has been criticized for putting the animals he “loves” at risk.

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When he announced his new pet would be a pink Moluccan cockatoo named Lady, the animal rights organization, Born Free, condemned him for putting undue stress on an animal prone to self-mutilation.

5. Proper dating etiquette

Green’s woes began in 2012, when he at the time “allegedly” spiked a 33-year-old woman’s drink with the party drug, ecstasy. She brought forth charges, claiming she woke up naked in his hotel room the next day with no knowledge of how she ended up there. Initially, charges weren’t going to be filed due to lack of evidence, but Green was then caught on tape admitting to having the drug and giving it to the woman. Dating — nay, life — etiquette 101, Cee Lo: Don’t drug people. Just don’t.

6. Some looks are best left to circa 1970s pimps (and/or Michael Jackson)

Cee Lo Green
GIF via NBC/
We get it… he’s theatrical. He likes to be different. And, generally, we’re OK with that. It’s part of his shtick. But seriously, there’s a reason the Jheri curl went out of style three decades ago. Not only is this wig ultra cheesy, we’re actually 89 percent sure that thing is super combustible. Remember the Michael Jackson Pepsi commercial catastrophe of ’84?

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