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Bachelor in Paradise review: Paradise becomes Marq-hell

Bachelor in Paradise is becoming a lot more like Paradise Lost, with a cast of characters that’s just as colorful as the epic poem. We can’t decide which tale is more dramatic…

Overnight dates begin

Though some of the couples are going on their first dates, they’re still offered overnights at the end of their adventures. Leave it to Bachelor in Paradise, however, to keep it classy and offer two keys for two separate hotel rooms. Graham and AshLee take up the show on their offer of privacy since Graham is concerned about AshLee falling too fast.

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Chris and Elise, on the other hand, dive right into romance and get sexy in the pool. Despite Chris’ torn and strained ligaments, he makes the night work, following it up with a romantic date number two in the hospital the next morning.

“Pain is actually a turning point in our relationship,” Elise says giddily as she tends to Chris’ every need. It’s hands down our favorite quote of the episode.

Marquel becomes the hot ticket

Tonight is the night of the love triangle.

Two new girls enter the show: Danielle and Jackie. Both immediately set their sights on Marquel and fall hard for the cookie monster. Danielle came on the show just for Marquel and, while they have a good date, Marquel ultimately describes Jackie as the potential girl he came on the show to meet. She gets the rose and Danielle goes home heartbroken.

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She pretty adequately sums up her time on the island, saying on her car ride home, “This wasn’t paradise. This was Marq-hell.”

The rose ceremony is — surprise! — a surprise

OK, so most of the couplings at the rose ceremony were pretty straightforward. As the other participants on the island suggest, four out of the six couples seem like they’re already ready to get married. But then Robert chooses Sarah over Michelle. Marquel chooses Jackie over Danielle.

And Chris decides to go home. That’s right, he chooses to leave because of his knee injury. He tells Elise he can’t give her his rose… because he wants her to go home with him! She, obviously since she’s deliriously obsessed with him, agrees.

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Chris, in his sole act of chivalry on the show thus far, gives his rose instead to Michelle, saying she, above everyone, deserves to find love. (We still think she and Graham are going to hook up again. I mean, come on.)

Bachelor in Paradise is really a testament to how, in relationships, one person can be on one page while another is going on a completely separate train of thought. Yet, after Chris and Elise leave paradise together in relationship bliss, we can only think that there is no rhyme or reason to why people do the things they do. Love is a constant surprise.

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