SpongeBob SquarePants is for adults, too: 25 Dirty jokes your kids didn't get
When a cartoon character lives in a fictional undersea town called Bikini Bottom, has a gal pal named Sandy Cheeks and his favorite place to visit is Glove World, bets are he's a naughty chap. It just so happens he's also your kids' favorite cartoon. Let us introduce the seedy side of SpongeBob SquarePants.
I mean, they're stressing about "Makeout Reef" — this is not rocket science. But, in case you missed it, "hormonally stressed out teenagers" is code for horny adolescents.
Apparently, sailors know quite a few extra naughty words. Man, we're dying to know what they are — we bet Mr. Krabs could teach us a thing or two.
Ha-ha, Mr. Krabs kind of spells this one out for you. And, just like any perverted frat boy rifling through a lady's undergarments, the voyeurism gives the kinky crustacean a new lease on life.
I've watched this particular episode about a gazillion times with my two kids, so trust me when I say it is full of sexual innuendo and gender stereotypes from start to finish.
When Squidward quips, "Well, Mr. Krabs, it's that time of the month," and then points at a giant red blimp in the sky, it's not difficult to deduce they're joking about a woman's period — 'cause men always think that's so funny. Newsflash? It isn't.
They are in a bathroom. SpongeBob hands the soap to Gary, saying, "Don't drop 'em." Then he winks. Yep, this is most certainly your standard prison rape joke.
Between Patrick's prolonged pronunciation of "peanuts" and him suggestively licking what looks to be the side of SpongeBob's face (at first), we're fairly certain this cartoon's writer is a bit pervy.
I think we all know what it seems like SpongeBob and Patrick are doing here.
Sandy ponders a very important question here. "SpongeBob doesn't have hair... or does he?" She's totally talking about pubes, people.
Not only is there a lot of gratuitous tossing around of the word "wiener" in this clip, but check out SpongeBob's face when he says they need find something to blow up Mr. Krabs' wiener obsession. Wiener... blowing up... please don't make me take this further.
Remember that episode I said was full of sexual innuendo and gender stereotypes? Consider this Exhibit B. On the plus side, this might take the guesswork out of the whole "when to bring up the 'where do babies come from?' conversation" with your kids.
SpongeBob: "Bye, Squidward! Bye, Mr. Krabs! Bye, Squidward!" *giggle* Patrick: "You said, 'Bye, Squidward' twice." SpongeBob: "I like Squidward." We are not alone in thinking SpongeBob is acknowledging his major crush on his tentacled friend.
Watching a phalliclike sea anemone writhe in the currents is clearly adult entertainment for SpongeBob, who quickly tries to cover his tracks when Gary walks in the room by saying he was looking for the sports channel. Next thing you know, he'll be trying to convince Gary that he never ordered that channel, but they just keep running it inexplicably.
First of all, that was definitely a naked Patrick butt. Second of all, after seeing Patrick in all his naked glory, Squidward wants to take a shower, and Mr. Krabs wants to lock himself in his office. Infer what you will.
I think we've all had the "hard with a touch of awkward, easy, difficult, challenging way" at least once in our lives... so we know exactly what he means.
SpongeBob keeps suggestively asking Mr. Krabs, "Are you feelin' it now?" as they're "riding." Then Patrick chimes in, "I'm feelin' it, SpongeBob." But he's not on the ride, he's on some random dude, who tells him to get off. To which Patrick responds in a sultry voice, "Oh, yeah." Just recapping that felt naughty.
Ladies, if I have to explain this one to you, someone in your life is doing something wrong.
OK, so this one isn't dirty, per se, but it is very adult. SpongeBob and Patrick are getting what you might call "chocolate wasted." See for yourself.
What this clip doesn't show is Squidward asking where the line ends. You know that twisted mollusk wants in on the 7-mile spanking machine.
If you close your eyes and listen to this, it's a whole different ball game. When "I know you're eager," "a nice specimen" and "firmly grasp it" are all in the same convo, you can safely assume they're alluding to sex.
Again, not a sex joke (although SpongeBob really does stretch out the word "pean-uts"), but kids aren't likely to catch the peanuts-in-the-bathroom shtick. Eww.
On the surface, this is a fart joke. Then again, there's still no explanation for the bulge in Patrick's pants — a bulge made more suspicious by the shade SpongeBob is throwing at it.
Listen, anytime the Hoff is involved, whatever you're watching is going to be sexual innuendo. The Hoff is like a living, breathing incarnation of sexual innuendo.
Hello, peep show! "Live, nude pranksters"? A spotlight? Tawdry music? Catcalling? Yep, we're at some sort of cartoon burlesque show. P.S.: We're pretty sure Ms. Puff is going to go back to jail when they find out she's been taking naked pics of her students.