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5 Reasons Sex Tape tanked

Sex Tape fah-lopped last weekend, coming in fourth behind Disney’s Planes: Fire & Rescue. Ouch. The question is are we really surprised? No. OK, then maybe the question is why. Here are a few theories.

Jason Segel naked?

Jason Segel is funny — we’ve got nothing against him. But do any of us want to see him naked? Or think about him throwing down with his wife on his living room floor in front of a video camera? Not really. To take this one step further, the return of R-rated movies is starting to feel reminiscent of bad ’70s porn. Why is the chick (forgive us for saying this out loud) hotter than the dude? Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz? We’re well aware that Segel has dated some hot women in real life, but he’s a movie star. All we’re saying is these R-rated Hollywood couples don’t look like our neighbors. Seth Rogen is guilty of this almost every time he makes a movie. He’s cast (most notably) Katherine Heigl and Rose Byrne as his love interests. We’re not trying to be superficial here, we’re just saying let’s level the playing field a bit.

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The cloud?

Jason Segel’s character, Jay, makes a valid point in this movie. Nobody understands the cloud. Most people over the age of 24 are intimidated by it and have no idea how to use it. Watching a movie that exaggerates that fear and takes it to its worst-case scenario isn’t going to instill much confidence in hesitant cloud-users.

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Weak premise

Is it even possible for something to be accidentally stored on the cloud and then have it accidentally disseminated to several purchased devices? Moreover, how many people in your immediate circle are giving super-expensive tablets to friends and family? Maybe one here and there, but a multitude of tablet gifts? That seems like a bit of a reach. If you can relate to this in your immediate circle, your friends are way cooler than ours.

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Kid cliché

Kids are really getting a bad rap in movies today, don’t you think? There seems to be a bit of a “we have kids, our lives are over — no more fun, no more sex” perception. We’re to believe that Jay and Annie couldn’t keep their hands off one another until they had kids and now they have to schedule sex. Where is this coming from? Is this Hollywood’s idea of what it must be like to have kids when you don’t have a staff?

Infants can stall your sex life for a bit, but from there you rely on setting early bedtimes for your kids (who cares if they don’t go to sleep — make them read books or pretend you don’t hear them playing with their toys until they get sleepy). Disney movies weren’t created for kids, they were created for parents to plop their kids in front of them so they can sneak away to the bedroom and get fah-reaky. Trade babysitting time with other neighbors with kids. You have to be more creative, but it’s not the sex life death sentence that movies portray it to be.


The trailer did nothing to sell us on this movie. Cameron looks great and is an inspiration to those in their 40s, but we’re just kind of tired of seeing her in her underwear (and by “we,” we mean women). From there, we see a lot of panic, smashing of motherboards and an attack dog. Meh. There really wasn’t anything in that trailer that made people want to race to the movie theater and pay way too much for a ticket and concessions.

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