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Blake Lively’s new website: What not to do, as shown by Gwyneth Paltrow

Bless Gwyneth Paltrow’s heart. The more the girl tries to be an everyday, relatable, girl-next-door kind of gal through the content on her Goop website, the more trouble she gets herself into. Now that Blake Lively is starting a lifestyle website, there is much she can learn about what not to do from Gwyneth Paltrow.

$90 T-shirts

Gwynnie probably thought she was relating to the common folk when she put a white T-shirt on her site and sold it for $90. To her, that probably does feel like an “I’m really slumming now” price. But for those of us who need a 12-step program for Target, it’s still a little steep. Ms. Paltrow has also featured a $165 candle (she knows those burn up, right?), a $50 doormat (she knows people wipe their feet on those, right?) and a set of four customizable napkins that sell for $79 (she knows people blow their noses in those, right?).

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Mommy wars

Another example of what Lively should not do with her new site, Preserve, is use it to backpedal. Paltrow ignited the flames of the working mom controversy by saying in an E! News interview that being a Hollywood mom was harder than working 9-5. She then took to her website to recant with a blog titled, “End the Mommy Wars.” The title, “Damage Control for Saying Something Really Inflammatory and Not Very Bright,” must have already been taken.

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Water has feelings

If Mrs. Reynolds wants to not become the second-most hated celebrity in Hollywood, it’s best to steer away from subject matter that makes your audience think you are higher than Snoop Dogg on 4/20. In early June, Paltrow wowed us with her ability to think on a higher plain (either that or she was delusional again from doing another one of her 10-day “Master Cleanses”). She explained, “I am fascinated by the growing science behind the energy of consciousness and its effects on matter. I have long had Dr. Emoto’s coffee-table book on how negativity changes the structure of water, how the molecules behave differently depending on the words or music being expressed around it.” Wow. We’re fascinated that you have a book about the molecular structure of water — and that you read it.

“Conscious uncoupling”

Last, but most assuredly not least, Lively should steer away from manufacturing pretentious phrasing that will make her the butt of people’s jokes for years to come. When Paltrow split from husband, Chris Martin, she explained to her fans that she and her husband had to decide to embark on a “conscious uncoupling.” You know, because “divorce” and “separating” is so common and peasant-like. What sort of highbrow mumbo jumbo is that anyway? So, when we get married from here on out, are we now “consciously coupling?” Is a guy going to drop to one knee and ask someone to “consciously couple” with him?

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Though well intended, Paltrow has inadvertently positioned herself as a cautionary tale for celebrities looking to launch a lifestyle website. Hopefully, Lively will learn from Paltrow’s seemingly-endless mistakes.

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