It’s trial by combat time and that pristine concrete gets a healthy coat of red. This episode of Game of Thrones was not for the faint of heart.
Oh Game of Thrones, how we missed thee last week. It’s hard to believe the season is almost over. There are only two episodes left after tonight’s episode. Though, I don’t even think we need to see those two to decide one thing: We just watched the most gruesome episode of the season.
WARNING: We really aren’t kidding about the graphic nature of tonight’s episodes. Don’t continue reading unless you want the gory details, including spoilers.
- ICYMI last week…
- Tyrion searches desperately for a champion, but not even Jaime will fight for him.
- Oberyn Martell agrees to fight as Tyrion’s champion.
- The Mountain will be Cersei’s champion and did a fantastic job of scarring us with his mad hacking skills.
Things started out smoothly, until we got to the exposed ribs thanks to Ramsey Snow Bolton. Sure, the Wildlings are killing up a storm, but we’re used to that. The battered corpses really hit us hard tonight, though. Even Dany had her fair share of rigor mortis.
And then the show caps off all that goodness with the most epic showdown ever to enter the TV arena. The Mountain and The Viper face off. Just like I said last week, Oberyn is very Inigo Montoya à la The Princess Bride. During the fight, he kept repeating The Mountain’s offenses, trying to get him to confess his sins. And, oh, did The Mountain confess. Just when we think Oberyn is the winner, The Mountain flips over and buries his fingers in Oberyn’s face before, literally, crushing his skull with his bare hands.
It was absolutely disgusting. And disappointing. Not just because it means Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) gets a nice little death sentence, but because we were really starting to like Oberyn.
Someone else we were really liking which, we should know, means nothing, is Ser Jorah. C’est la vie. It’s also why we love Game of Thrones so much. Nothing stays the same. It turns out the same Ser Jorah that is obsessed with Dany was once also spying on her for Robert Baratheon before he died. Because everything travels by snail mail, Ser Jorah just receives the letter, which informs him he’s been officially pardoned. Too bad the letter passes through Ser Barristan’s hands first. And Ser Barristan isn’t going to just let it go as a thing of the past. Nope. The former knight rats Ser Jorah out to Dany, who exiles Jorah from her kingdom. Not even a dragon’s breath of fire to send him on his way.
We get it, Jorah betrayed her once upon a time. Years ago. But he also saved her life a hundred times over. He’s counseled her and been a loyal friend. She would have been dead a long time ago without him. It’s such a hard situation, though. Because the trust was destroyed just like that, and now there’s no hope of going back.
Game of Thrones leaves us wide-eyed and stuttering for words once again.
Best quotes of the night
“You’ll never be alone with her again,” Ser Barristan tells Ser Jorah when he discovers Ser Jorah had been spying on Dany for Robert Baratheon.
The Hound’s face and Arya laughing when they discover Lysa Arryn is dead.
“On the contrary, laughing at another person’s misery was the only thing that made me feel like everyone else,” Tyrion tells Jaime.
“Size does not matter when you are flat on your back.” Oberyn says, to which Tyrion mutters, “Thank the gods.”