If an ounce of compassion runs through your veins, and you’ve tuned into Tori Spelling’s tell-all series — True Tori — you can’t help but have your heart break for her. She looks frail, lost and only able to make it through the day because she’s caring for four kids. If you don’t want to end up like Spelling, here are two things to commit to memory.
Isn’t it fascinating when a relationship starts with infidelity that people don’t think their new love will cheat on them someday? Why is that? Both Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott were married when they hooked up. Spelling has said in her new docudrama that she always feared McDermott would cheat on her, and now her biggest nightmare has come true. The reason Spelling feared her husband would step out on her is because he cheated on his then-wife to be with her!
Ladies (and gentleman) here is truth No. 1: If your significant other cheated on someone to be with you, they can cheat on you, too. Cheaters will do a convincing job of launching a smear campaign against their partner until their new love is able to justify being with someone who is already in a commitment. But here’s what people fail to realize time and again — a cheater deals with their relationship issues in the most passive-aggressive way ever — by cheating.
No matter what problems a relationship has (and every relationship is riddled with its own challenges) or how terrible a person is, the ultimate decision to cheat is the cheater’s. Yes, there is that rare instance where someone steps out once, deeply regrets it and never does it again — or mental issues like addiction and depression play a role — but we’re comfortable surmising that those cheaters don’t represent the vast majority.
Don’t cheat. Say it with me, folks. If the second truth looks like the first truth, there is a reason for that. Think about it. Within your own circle of friends, look at the relationships that started from infidelity. They are rarely an improvement from the relationship that the cheater ran from. When you cheat, you destroy several people in your wake, including (oftentimes) kids. So how can a relationship really stand a chance when it starts in such a bad place? Is no one watching movies or Investigation Discovery? Does it ever really go well? Did we learn nothing from Fatal Attraction or LeAnn Rimes?
But here’s the real second truth. What if, for the sake of being humanitarians, we didn’t sleep with people who have significant others, even if they’re not married? The person who decides to cheat is only half of the equation. What about the other half? What if each of us started saying, “You’re married,” or “You have a girlfriend”? Let them deal with their existing garbage before you get involved — if you’re meant to be together, it will happen and it will stand a better chance of succeeding if there isn’t a third person in your new relationship.
It’s true we don’t owe a stranger anything. But think of the pain we could save our collective society if we made it a personal standard to not sleep with someone if they are already in a relationship. Is it too far-fetched to speculate that cheating has been a huge no-no since biblical times, not because of the sex but because of the brutal emotional toll it takes on so many (including the cheater)? When we come to these crossroads, we have an opportunity to do what’s right for our fellow man or woman and ultimately for our society. Think that is way too grand, pious or self-righteous of a suggestion? Then you’re probably a cheater. For everyone else, watch True Tori.