It’s been nearly 20 years since the last episode of Full House aired, and a lot has changed since the era of the Tanners. So, where would the once-wholesome family be now? Well, we have a few ideas.
Thanks to his experience on Wake Up, San Francisco, Danny Tanner landed Drew Carey’s The Price is Right gig when producers fired Carey upon discovering he had not, in fact, gotten his pets spayed or neutered. But with daytime TV ratings dwindling and the astronomically high cost of living in San Francisco, Danny decided to create a second revenue stream (and appease his OCD) by manufacturing and distributing organic cleaning supplies out of his basement. He got the idea while watching Breaking Bad.
Everyone’s favorite hot uncle, Jesse Katsopolis, is having a heyday in more ways than one. His band, Jesse and the Rippers, came back from the brink after a video of their Miley Cyrus’ “Wrecking Ball” cover went viral on YouTube. It’s at 4 million views and climbing, and there are rumors Jesse may join Keith Urban, Jennifer Lopez and Harry Connick Jr. as next season’s fourth American Idol judge. To spice up their marriage, he and Becky have taken to role-playing Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey in the bedroom.
Unlike Danny and Jesse, Joey’s career hasn’t seen quite the same success. After leaving his popular children’s show, he took his impersonations on the road, trying to build a career as a stand-up comedian specializing in impressions. Unable to find a niche, he returned home and became the shipping clerk for Danny’s organic cleaning supply business. Sometimes, he still talks to Mr. Woodchuck.
Like this guy…
With her marriage to Jesse hotter than ever, Becky’s confidence is soaring. To spend more time with the kids, she walked away from her job as a TV producer. She is now a certified Zumba instructor and teaches classes at the local Y four days a week.
She has banned Danny from attending… for life.
Following her last breakup with Steve, D.J. decided to do some soul-searching. After looking back over her long string of failed relationships, Deej realized that she wasn’t happy because she wasn’t truly being herself. She called a family meeting with Danny, Jesse, Becky and Joey and came out to them. Although Danny struggled with the revelation at first, he eventually joined the rest of the family in supporting D.J. She now attends U.C. Berkeley and dates a pretty, witty barista from a local Starbucks.
Stephanie Tanner falls prey to serious peer pressure from bad-influence bestie Gia. She suffers from major Middle Child Syndrome, which is currently manifesting in drinking and (gasp!) dabbling in recreational marijuana use. A major party girl, Stephanie often butts heads with Michelle, who she thinks everyone loves more anyway, and hopes to move to Colorado after graduation.
A little entrepreneur, Michelle parlayed her love of snacking into a successful food blog called “You Got It, Dude.” She posts recipes, interviews celebrity chefs and has even launched a “Foodie Dude for Life” line of cooking supplies and cutesy culinary apparel. She hopes to develop an iPhone app for her blog soon. She is now working on developing a gourmet cookie line exclusively available at Whole Foods.
‘Cause we all know homegirl loves her some cookies.
Michelle uses the rest of the family as a focus group to test out her culinary and confectionery creations. Not every recipe is an instant success.
Remember that whole Jimmy Kimmel twerking hoax? Turns out it wasn’t a hoax after all. Kimmy’s community college roommate interns on the late-night show and gave Kimmel permission to run this clip if he did so anonymously. Look closely… it’s totally Gibbler.