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Girls Season 3’s desperately needed plot twists

The Girls Season 3 premiere is here! We’d love to see some crazy/realistic stuff happen this season. Maybe Hannah will get a real, age-appropriate writing job? Pfft! Yeah, right!


Wouldn’t it be crazy if Girls‘ Season 3 took a turn for the relatable? The truth of the matter is that Hannah Horvath’s life is like a train wreck: You just can’t look away. However, while we enjoy every minute of the show, we have some thoughts on how to make it feel like real life.

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Shoshana: In the first clip from Season 3, we learn that Shosh has developed a system for being both slutty and studious. This just seems like a recipe for disaster and is likely the product of her seeming to tragically wish she were more like her friends. We’d love for Shosh to do the following:

  • Figure out there’s nothing wrong with being smart (albeit ditzy)
  • Quickly understand she doesn’t need to be a slut
  • Learn to fully appreciate Ray
  • Get rid of that stupid bagel on top of her head

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Jessa: Holy wow. To a certain extent, Jessa (Jemima Kirke) is one of the most likable of the friends, simply because she’s been out and about and doesn’t seem to expect things to be handed to her. On the other hand, she’s still kind of gross. If she were our friend, we’d want to give her a lice shampoo before allowing her to sit on our furniture. To be less cringeworthy, she should do these things:

  • Shower
  • Slow down on the sex with strangers
  • Wear clothes from places other than Urban Outfitters and Goodwill
  • Smile

Marnie: Because we know Christopher Abbott will not be returning, we also know Marnie (Allison Williams) will be heartbroken this year. We predict that she’s going to blame the breakup on Charlie instead of owning up to her self-centered ways. If she wants to keep our sympathy and love, she’ll need to do the following:

  • Realize she treated Charlie pretty badly
  • Not make her possible singing career the only thing she talks about
  • Not immediately jump into another serious relationship
  • Call Hannah on her s***

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Hannah: We’re supposed to like her, right? It’s just so hard sometimes! Hannah (Lena Dunham) is the most entitled twentysomething person we know of. Yes. We know. You love to write and want to do it for a living. At 24 years old, however, it’s time to find a real job while you’re working on your book. Occasionally serving coffee and whoring around does not count. Hannah should grow up and do these things:

  • Learn to make ends meet while working freelance for three outlets
  • Dress more appropriately for her age and body type
  • Accept blame and responsibility for her life and her choices
  • Show a vested interest in her friends’ lives

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We don’t mean to hate. We seriously love Girls… even when, at times, we’re not quite sure where Lena Dunham gets this stuff. (Seriously. Have you ever co-bathed with your BFF? Us, neither!) We’d just love to spend a season watching the girls grow up a little. Girls has an opportunity to be the show that average twentysomething ladies can relate to instead of just watch with wide, disbelieving amusement. It can still be shocking at times. Life certainly is startling sometimes, right? But, how about a little less drug use and a lot more monotonous subway rides and stressful, overdrafted bank accounts. Please?

Image courtesy of HBO

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