Love advice from The White Queen: Fortune favors no one

Sep 7, 2013 at 10:00 p.m. ET

All of our past, present and future queens found themselves gaining and losing their wits as fortune continued to play tricks on them. There's something very important to learn from one queen's very bad luck, though.

The White Queen -- Elizabeth and Edward

You could watch "The Bad Queen" all day and learn a handful of life lessons from the episode. Most importantly: Never rely on fortune to be on your side. But, what can we learn about relationships? Two very important things. But first, let's take a look at what we missed.

Warwick's daughters continued to suffer the most. Poor Isabel (Eleanor Tomlinson) married Edward's brother Prince George (David Oakes) with the promise from her father that one day she'd wear the crown. Last week, we watched as poor Izzie lost her baby during a hasty and forced exit from London. This week, we watched as she learned her new fate: She'll never be queen and George doesn't much like her. Anne, however, suffered a far worse fate. As part of her father's constant scheming, Anne (Faye Marsay) was married off to Prince Edward, son of the "bad queen," Margaret of Anjou (Veerle Baetens) and King Henry VI. Edward seems downright sociopathic and their first night in bed together comes across as a little, well, rape-y.

Last time on The White Queen: We learned to weather the storm >>

The only way Margaret of Anjou (that tricky woman) would agree to let Warwick's "plain" daughter marry her son, though, was if Warwick swore his allegiance to her. His first task: Travel back to London, oust Edward and Elizabeth (Rebecca Ferguson) from the castle and restore Margaret's husband, Henry VI, to the throne. Mission accomplished. The seemingly senile Henry was back on the throne and Margaret was truly the bad queen yet again.

While we're on the subject of Margarets: Margaret Beaufort (Amanda Hale) had her ups and downs, too. The oh-so-self-righteous mother of Henry Tudor was finally reunited with her son for a brief moment before Lord Herbert showed up and sent Margaret on her way. He was to be in charge of Henry's well-being from that point onward. Margaret, of course, languished at being separated from her baby boy. She worried that the sins of her father (who hanged himself) were being revisited upon her and that that's why she was being kept from Henry. It couldn't possibly have anything to do with her own sins of course — she's perfect. Later, Herbert dragged Henry to war and, eventually, Warwick (James Frain) found Herbert and beheaded him. Warwick was close to doing the same thing to Henry. He stopped short, though, when the boy proclaimed, "I am Henry Tudor!" Margaret always told him his name was important, and now the young future king believes her. Now, more than ever, Margaret Beaufort has a reason to grin: She feels closer than ever to the throne.

The White Queen tells you how to take on forbidden love and negative forces >>

Isabel and Anne -- The White Queen

Warwick took London due to some trickery that comes with war. He surprised King Edward (Max Irons) and forced him to flee to Flanders. Then, as Warwick made his way to the Tower of London in hopes of ending Elizabeth once and for all, Elizabeth escaped with her family and sought sanctuary at Westminster Abbey. She had no idea if her husband was alive or if she'd ever see him again, and the former king was back on the throne. On the bright side, though, the stress sent Elizabeth into an early labor, and she finally gave birth to a baby boy. Despite the fact that Henry VI wears the crown just a few blocks away, Elizabeth is convinced the boy will put her family back in the castle. Is fortune really working in her favor, though?

Fortune's pendulum also swung both directions for Elizabeth's mother, Jacquetta. When Warwick took London, he captured Jaquetta (Janet McTeer) and tried her for witchcraft. Yes, she is clearly a witch. However, there was one thing she had on Warwick that he couldn't fight against: She's besties with the bad queen. (But for how long?)

When it's a royal baby, only one question matters: Boy or girl? >>

This week, there were plenty of life lessons to learn from each of our leading ladies. Perhaps the most important love advice we can take away, though, comes from Anne Neville...

Beware of Mama's boys!

When we first met Anne's future husband, Prince Edward, he was standing beside his mother all pinch-faced and unmoving, without her express permission. He was very much like a chihuahua — a very sadistic chihuahua. Later, after the wedding, Edward stripped at the foot of their marriage bed, sneering at the frightened girl lying before him. When she worried she didn't know what to do, he told her all she had to do was lie still... and not say a word since he didn't want to be reminded of who was under him.

As Edward basically raped his new wife, who would he have preferred be in Anne's place? From the look on Margaret of Anjou's face as she slipped from their bedroom, one can only assume he's picturing Mummy Dearest. Gross! On a less incestuous level, Edward is clearly under his mother's thumb, and that's never where you want your husband to be.

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Here's a piece of life advice, too:

Make your own fortune

Margaret of Anjou only had it partially right when she said, "Fortune's wheel will never stop turning."

The full truth is that fortune's wheel doesn't turn on its own. Just like in the game show, the players must turn it. Warwick, Jacquetta, Elizabeth and Margaret of Anjou have no problem stepping up and turning that wheel for everyone else. If the rest of the players want a say in their fortunes, they need to play the game as well. You have to play the game to win the prize, right?

That's it for this week, princesses! Tune in next week to find out who grabs hold of Fortune's wheel next. The White Queen airs on STARZ at 9e/9p on Saturday.

Images courtesy of STARZ