Natalie Getz recaps The Bachelorette: 8 Bratty teen girls left!

Jul 2, 2013 at 12:46 p.m. ET

Like every week, Natalie Getz spends two hours of her Monday evening watching and judging the men and women on ABC's hit show The Bachelorette. Here are her thoughts on the series' most recent episode...

Bachelorette recap ep 5

So, there are eight guys left. Normally, every season I think, a few guys are super cool and solid. I know I have only been watching since my season of The Bachelor, but I seriously have never seen a season that has not had at least one guy, not one freaking guy, that I would even consider holding hands with. In fact, the thought repulses me. I know that the casting department casts these guys to what the bachelorette wants, so there you go. As I said before and I'll say it again, Desiree has horrible taste. But then again, maybe I hold a very high standard now because my boyfriend is so damn cute.

Enough with the rant — Here's what happened this week: 

Desiree decides to take Drew on a date. Drew pretends to act excited when Desiree tells him they will be touring Barcelona all day, but I have a hunch he is devastated that he couldn't stay back with the other guys and try to hunt down a local J.Crew. Whatever, this date was so boring. Hold on, it was boring until Drew broke down into tears. Is his story sad? Of course, it is. Is it something you should blast on national television? Of course not. Why does everyone think you need to tell the most personal issues in your life on national television to get a rose? I don't know why they do it, and I certainly would not, but I freaking love it. Watching this show is like reading Star magazine. This is exactly why Drew is no longer boring to me. He does things that make me feel uncomfortable watching him, which is also what makes me love to watch him.

I'm not absolutely sure what happened on this date except for the fact that he cried about some serious stuff, and that he pretend-stole Desiree away to a random alley with a trash can that had graffiti-painted heart shapes on it. Desiree claims Barcelona brings out her emotional, artistic side, and I'm not really sure what that means. But by the looks of it, it brings out her inner Natalie, if you know what I mean. Listen, I'm not one to talk about making out on national television, but then again, I was never looking for love, I was looking for money. Drew lucked out tonight, for he got the rose and a little humpy-hump.

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Ahhhh, a group date. So would never happen in real life. They are in Barcelona so why would they not play soccer? Cliché, but I do love soccer, so I have no complaints. Wait... of course I do. I can't believe how cheesy and nerdy people are willing to be. A professional girls soccer team shows up to play a match with Desiree on their team against the guys. As they walked onto the field to meet the guys, they looked super cute for one split second. They looked cute until they all put on this really random, cheesy intimidating game face. They looked cute until one girl spit for intimidation purposes. Listen, I played soccer my whole life and even two years into college. I still knew how to act like a lady.

The girls ended up beating the boys. I'm kind of surprised, because even though girls have a stronger skill set then guys, guys are always going to be stronger and faster by nature. I am very proud of the ladies for smoking the dudes! To be honest, though, these aren't really dudes. They are a bunch of bratty, teenage girls.

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At the after party, s*** hits the boom mic. Where do I begin? Let's make this a long story short. All the guys are so upset and devastated because they overheard James talking to Mikey one night. Apparently, James said if he made it to the Top 4, it would be a great opportunity to be the next bachelor. He also stated he would love to hang with Mikey in Chicago and meet some nice girls if he and Des didn't work out. Excuse me, what is so wrong with this? Everyone who goes on the show hopes to make it to the final two to be the next bachelor/bachelorette should they not find love with their suitor. Who wouldn't hope for that? You get to travel the world and have 25 people of the opposite gender thrown at you, flaunting themselves at you, and fighting over you. It's completely ridiculous to say that it is not in the back of every single person's mind.

I seriously can't believe the way these guys are acting about overhearing James. They are so obsessed with the fact he said those things that they can't even focus on their time with Desiree. Normally, it's the girls who are concerned about these remarks that they overhear, but these guys are acting way worse than emotional females. We, as females, have a right to act emotional and upset. We bleed seven of every 28 days. Come on! But these guys? They have no excuse. Furthermore, normally the villain is actually a bad person. But this season? They bullied Ben out of the house. Now they bullied James out of the house. What exactly did either of these two guys do that was so completely wrong? It's humiliating to watch the way they are representing the male gender.

Needless to say, the group date rose is not given out. Why? Because, instead of trying to get to know Desiree and fall in love with her, these guys are more concerned with James, Ben and everyone else they are intimidated by. I feel like all of these guys are villains for making Desiree so upset over something so absurd.

Desiree ends up calling James out. What else is she going to do? She has been confronted by multiple guys in the house that he is supposedly a bad person. Desiree needs to understand that at the end of the day, this is a TV show and these guys are so excited to be on TV. Does that suck? Of course it does. But let's be honest here, taking everyday folks and putting them on national television? That's exciting for them. Disagree with me if you want all day, but just remember, I've been on the show and know almost every single person who has been on the show.

As much as I hate to admit it (I really don't), there is something fun and exciting about the experience. If you actually get your heart broken on the show, you should seek therapy. It's not like you met this person and you hit it off and are dating right away. It's more like, you met this person and hit it off because you were cast to do so, like an arranged marriage, and then there are tons more of you fighting for the same person. You just take it for an experience. Anyway, the boys continue to freak out as James comes back into the house after talking with Desiree. They are so upset that he is staying, and I think it is absolutely hilarious. I so wish she would have given him the rose to stir the pot. He ends up going home at the rose ceremony, and I am so disappointed. At least we still have psychotic Michael to cause some tension.

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Her next date is Zak. I saw a completely different side of Zak on Monday night, and male models as well. I can't get over the fact that he reminds me of a younger, better-looking Pauly Shore, or perhaps a great-looking cartoon character, but I'm slowly trying. Desiree decides to take him to a place where they can draw naked bodies. Zak was very nervous about Desiree seeing what was underneath his Fruit of the Looms, until he saw the anorexic male artist he was drawing. He now has more confidence than ever, which causes him to kiss Desiree and get the rose. The reason I am now a semi Zak fan is because when all the guys were sitting around and being extremely awkward in front of James, Zak broke the tension by saying he had a great week, because he is now closer to Desiree.

Desiree pulls James aside for a final time and confronts him about her feelings. It seems she really likes him even though he has major man boob sweat. Is this love? I think so! Wait, no it's not, because she doesn't give him a rose. I blame it on his healthy pores.

In short, Desiree sends home Kasey, James and Juan Pablo. In the previews for next week, we see that Drew wants to leave voluntarily. He says he doesn't have feelings for Desiree anymore. I am a firm believer this is because before he met Kasey, he had no clue what love was. This would generally be fine, if it weren't for Des' heart, and her search for love. One more thing, Juan Pablo reveals he has a litter of children back home in his exit interview. What?!

It's 3 a.m. and I am out of red wine, so I'm calling it quits. Sound off in the comments section below. I'd love to hear your comments, questions, remarks, etc. Find me on the Twit: @nataliegetz


More about Natalie Getz...

Natalie Getz is a TV personality, blogger and fashionista from Chicago. She does publicity for Adonia Organics and is a buyer for the clothing boutique Apricot Lane. In her spare time, Getz loves to blog about all things fashion and comedy and is a contributing writer for The Los Angeles Fashion magazine. She also hosts several TV shows and web series and is currently hosting Model Turned Superstar (coming fall 2013) Getz appeared on ABC's The Bachelor and Bachelor Pad, which she won and in turn took home $125,000. Getz resides in Hermosa Beach, Calif.

Photo credit: ABC