How to dress up your hobbit feet for summer
Ladies, are your feet a fright? Do you have zombie toenails? Are your paws so hairy they make Yeti feet look sexy? Do you have finger-toes that you can clutch around a bar? Are your hoofs so beastly you could give Frankenstein a run for his money?
It’s OK. Very few people have truly pretty pads. Here are a few ideas to glam up your hobbit feet…
Nothing will take your hoof from horrible to hippie-chic faster than a henna tattoo. These designs are often intricate and feminine and so pretty no one will notice your webbed toes. They typically cost less than a pedicure, and best of all, they aren’t permanent so they make for the perfect seasonal foot makeover.
If you could park a semi-trailer on your big toe, it’s best to cover that beastie up. Ballerina and closed-toe flats are everywhere and perfectly appropriate for summertime! Couple them up with a darling pair of capris or a denim mini and you’ll be the only one who knows how unsightly your digits are. Just be sure to take a “finishing touch” trimmer to any toe/foot hair. No one can pull that off, no matter how cute the shoes are.
Are you seeing a pattern yet? It’s all about taking the attention off your ugly feet and putting it elsewhere, like on the darling daisy in the center of your flip-flops or all the sparkly bling on your summer shoes. For optimum flip-flop fashion, tan your feet, scrub them in the shower, remove any heel cakes and moisturize until your tootsies shine. A French manicure is the safest polish choice because it makes everyone’s toes look nice and puts the emphasis back on the shoes.
Toe rings send a message -- I’m sexy and I know it. The rule of thumb (or big toe) is to not overdo your foot flair -- only one toe ring per foot. After all, you want to look summer fabulous without looking like a circus pony. Until you find the right one, you can place embellishments like tiny flower stickers or diamazoids in drying nail polish. Again, the idea here is to make your feet look dainty and pretty without making them look like the Las Vegas strip.
Christian Louboutin’s Cinderella glass slippers
If your feet are such a disaster that people ask if your parents are brother and sister, you are in need of a flashy cover-up. Christian Louboutin’s new Cinderella glass slippers should do the trick. We weren’t able to find a price for these, but based on what Christian’s other designs cost, we’re guessing you’ll need a fairy godmother to pay for them.
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