Losing all control could possibly be the worst part of a break-up. Rarely do men obsess about a recent decision that resulted in a split then sulk about it, they're lucky.
In her new book, It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook, however, relationship coach Lisa Steadman gives A-type personalities like me exactly what we need to get over an especially painful break-up: homework.
There are alternative ways to getting over a break-up rather than stuffing your face with ice cream and watching romantic comedies. Steadman has a different idea for the recently dumped with her twenty-one day, interactive "action plan".
Like your childhood math and English workbooks of years past, the first page of It's a Breakup, Not a Breakdown Workbook, encourages you to write down your name in the "This book belongs to ____" blank, a small act of empowerment. (You may not feel like you own your love life or your feelings at this moment, but by gosh, you can own this book!) She also suggests investing in a red Sharpie marker and gold-star stickers.
Steadman's philosophy is that break-ups rock (even though you may not feel like they do at every moment) and she does a good job of cheerleading you on throughout the entire book, which is broken up into 21 chapters, one for each day.
Are you ready for a little homework? Try a few of Steadman's tips.
Exercise #1. Throw yourself a pity party.
On the day one of the break up Steadman says to throw yourself the ultimate pity party. Some activities can include: having a good cry, renting sad movies, playing angst-y music, throwing away any physical remnants of you ex, and writing him a mean letter (just don't actually send it!)
Exercise #2. Delete your ex
According to Steadman, electronically exorcizing your ex is an important step in the break-up process.Seeing everything your ex is doing via his facebook status will not be good for you. Delete him from facebook, twitter, even myspace. Don't forget to change your passwords if he knows thoughs too! Even better, block him, so it's not tempting to cyber-stalk or write something about the break-up that you will regret, she recommends.
Exercise #3. Have a funeral for your dead relationship
A not just a metaphoric one, Steadman means a literal funeral, burial, and wake, including writing a eulogy, substituting a male doll in place of your relationship's carcass, and creating a death certificate.
Exercise #4. Enroll at "Single U."
Once past the initial grief stages, Steadman asks you to revisit the ABCs of singledom, even if you're not exactly ready to date just yet. She suggests getting rid of bad dating habits, creating an online dating profile, and "earning your flirting degree" as ways to dip your toe back into the dating pool.
More advice on moving on from a break-up: