Better After Breakup
No one wants to go through a break up but we forget that they all aren't that bad. Here are some ways you can benefit from a break up:
REDIRECT YOUR NEGATIVE ENERGYForget the male bashing and trade it in for burning calories. Dr. John Trent, head coach of StrongFamilies.com, says exercise is therapeutic on many levels and even simple things like walking or running are a positive way to deal with emotion. You may not want to get off the couch right away but once you do you will feel much better about yourself and get fit.
TAKE TIME FOR EXTREME SELF CAREPeople tend to beat themselves up after a breakup, says Heidi Frei, life coach of Heidi Frei Coaching & Consulting. Rid yourself of "I should haves" – you know those phrases that circumvent your thoughts, like "I should have left him earlier" – and instead surround yourself with people who love you. Don't worry about what other people think. Make the best decision for yourself.
LISTEN TO YOURSELFFrei notes one of the biggest problems women have after a breakup is not putting themselves first. To resolve this unsettled feeling, she recommends beginning a journal. Writing down the thoughts your former partner didn't listen to and allowing yourself to focus on them now, can be restorative. Learn to say "yes" when things are good for you and "no" when things are bad.
TREAT YOURSELF LIKE A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR WOULDIf you can't treat yourself with love, how will someone else? Frei says it's important to "treat yourself like you want your ideal partner to treat you." Buy yourself flowers for a special occasion, pamper yourself at the spa or plan a fun weekend getaway.
MIND OVER MATTER ISN'T SODr. Trent says rekindling positivity after a breakup is simple, although not easy: "Understand that you cannot out-logic emotions." That is thinking something shouldn't bother you despite your emotional reactions, like negative feelings when seeing couples in public, even though you "should" be over it. Fill your mind with constructive thoughts, and don't fret when logic seems anything but rational.
PLAN AND CONQUER"If we don't set our schedules, somebody else will set it for us," declares Dr. Trent, which is what has happened in most breakups. This may be difficult emotionally, so he recommends choosing one goal at a time to work toward. This may be to make it through the day, travel or earn a master's degree. Frei emphasizes rewarding yourself for accomplishing goals.
TAKE TIME TO GREIVE AND START WITH A CLEAN SLATEPeople heal at different paces. Allow yourself time to feel, cry. "Clear up reminders," says Frei, by purging things in your living space that remind you of the person. Don't get involved in a new relationship too quickly, which may transfer feelings from your old relationship to the new one; rather, "take time with friends to get rid of the loneliness feeling."
ENRICH OTHERS THROUGH VOLUNTEERINGVolunteering is a great way to achieve self-actualization while helping others. The caveat: People may not feel like volunteering. Regardless, Dr. Trent believes "actions dictate feelings, not the reverse. When we begin to take actions that are positive… that generates positive feelings. Not the opposite." Take the first step, and the feelings will naturally follow.
REDISCOVER YOURSELFWhen you are in a relationship you may find yourself full of compromising. Re-discover yourself by creating a vision board full of inspiring quotes, pictures or words. This can be your visual reminder that you're a new you!
SORRY, JERRY MAGUIRE – YOU DON'T COMPLETE MEContrary to the popular movie line, Frei says, "Love isn't about somebody completing you; we're all complete." Develop your weaknesses so you don't search for them in a partner and sacrifice good qualities (kind and loving) for the one strength you're fixated on (someone who is good with money). Positive qualities attract positive people. Focus on developing yourself verses finding satiation in another.
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