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Tips for flower girls and ring bearers

Maria Mora is a freelance writer and single mom fueled by coffee, questionable time management skills, toaster oven waffles and the color orange. She lives in Florida with her two young sons. If you see her on Twitter, tell her to stop p...

Your child’s first wedding

Now that your oldest friends are saying 'I do' you’ll find your kids being tapped to participate in wedding parties. Navigate the etiquette and structure of modern weddings with our helpful tips for flower girls and ring bearers.
Flower girl and ring bearer with bride

While it’s true that kids can do no wrong when they’re dressed like dapper darlings in a wedding, it can still be nerve-wracking to give your little one a major role in someone else’s nuptials. Soothe your worries by planning ahead and preparing your ring bearer or flower girl. We’ve put together the best tips from wedding experts around the country.

Wedding attendants
Image courtesy of Stacey Bode of Stacey Bode Photography

Make kids feel special during the rehearsal

Jenifer Apazidis of JAGboston Events suggests paying special attention to young wedding party members at the rehearsal. “The rehearsal dinner can be a stressful evening for all. Sometimes the children in the wedding party that are attending this ‘adult-oriented event’ are the only ones there,” says Apazidis. “This is a great time to take a small corner of the room (or a small separate room if possible) and bring in an entertainer. Sometimes a magician, friendly clown, etc... makes all the difference and lets the adults relax and enjoy the evening.”

Let flower girls join the fun before the wedding

Flower girl getting ready

Ask the bride ahead of time if young attendants are welcome to join in the primping before the ceremony. If it’s okay with the bride, allow junior bridesmaids and flower girls who are old enough to participate with the adults. Denise Buzy-Pucheu, owner and operator of The Persnickety Bride advises parents to let girls have fun getting ready. “It's fun and they get to be part of the process,” she says. “If you have a younger child that wants to get nails polished as well, that is fine — but always remember, less is more and pretty light pink nails or a French manicure are fine.”

Coordinate food and supervision for mealtime

Make arrangements ahead of time for children with food allergies, sensitivities and pickiness. Instead of arranging for a special meal, it may also be easier to pack a meal and snacks the child will eat. “Having picky children at a reception is difficult for parents, grandparents and the newlyweds! If a table can be set up for children with an older teen watching them, that is the best situation," says Buzy-Pucheu. "It helps parents enjoy the wedding activities and allows children to have fun as well.”

Arrange for child care for evening receptions

Some weddings last until well past bedtime for little ones. Even kids who can usually handle staying up late may end up exhausted after a full day of preparation and festivities. Buzy-Pucheu recommends arranging for child care with a family member or babysitter. “It will give you time to enjoy the party and ensure that others have a good time as well. If at a hotel, make provisions for children to go watch a movie or do something that they would enjoy. If you can take that job off the bride and groom’s to-do list, all the better.”

Remember that kids in weddings are always cute

Flower girl
Image courtesy of Neysa Ruhl of Belle & Blanc

Wendy Hartigan, a wedding planner, says that she is frequently asked how to manage children in wedding parties. “The first thing I say is, ‘whatever the little ones do is cute.’ You can't stress over it. We practice it, we talk about it and we make them feel really important. We plan for a grownup to take over if they falter or get confused once they get up the aisle. If they are really little, we have them go in pairs holding hands.” She suggests even using props like decorated wagons for very young attendants.

More weddings

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Wedding etiquette no-nos
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