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PARENTING / Baby

Embarrassing and hilarious things toddlers say and do

Monica Beyer is a mom of four and has been writing professionally since 2000, when her first book, Baby Talk, was published. Her main area of interest is attachment parenting and all that goes with it, including breastfeeding, co-sleepin...

"OMG, please be quiet!"

Toddlers have the gift of speech, and along with it, a loud voice and no internal social filter. They can happily prattle on about the size and physical condition of strangers, which can lead to some simply awkward situations.
Toddler behavior

Real moms share their kids' embarrassing stories — maybe it will help you feel less alone.

Ah, toddlers. So cute, and so honest, and so without the social skills needed to prevent embarrassing Mom and Dad when you’re at the doctor, at the store or at Grandma’s house. Here are a few stories, straight from the trenches of real motherhood.

What’s for dinner again?!

Jessica, mom of one: “We were at the bank to sign some papers. We brought our son with us and he played nicely for the appointment. When it was time to say goodbye to the bank manager, she asked what we were going home to make for supper. He replied with his newest favorite word — ‘VAGINA!’ My husband and I tried our hardest to not bust out laughing. Luckily she didn't hear him quite right and thought he said ‘LASAGNA!’ I was sooo embarrassed and it took me months to not be nervous in formal settings with my 2-year-old!”

When nature calls

Kelly, mom of three: “Joel once pulled down his pants to his ankles right in the middle of the Bartlett Park playground and started to pee. I ran over, grabbed him and took him to finish by the bathrooms. There were a lot of people there that day and I was horrified by my little hillbilly (who is allowed to pee off the deck at home)!"

Streaker

Jessica from Minnesota: “When Mya was little, she had this huge obsession with clothes. Once when she was 3, we were in Walmart shopping in the toy section. There was this really pretty dress-up dress. Mya decided, while I was distracted looking at something, to strip down naked and try it on.

So basically after being distracted for less than a minute, I turned around and found a naked 3-year-old standing there in the middle of the toy aisle. Her taking off her clothes took about 30 seconds — getting her dressed again was a different story. She was soooo convinced she wanted this dress, and since I wasn't going to buy it for her, she decided she wasn't going to wear anything if she couldn't wear the dress. I ended up chasing her, completely naked, through Walmart! She ran through the WHOLE store before I caught her!”

Broken face?

Robin, mom of one: “Imagine a 2- or 3-year-old Simon at Target, standing in the aisle of moisturizing stuff, near a woman with a lot of wrinkles for her age. ‘Mommy, why is her face broken?’ MORTIFYING.”

Big dress

Michelle from Kansas: “My son Brennen and I were at Walmart when he was around 4. We went into an aisle and there was a very large woman there. I noticed Brennen staring, so I proceeded through quickly — but not quick enough as he tugged on my pants and said, ‘Momma that's a BIG dress.’ I thought I was going to die!”

Pregnant man

Brittney, mom of one: “We found out that I was pregnant when Bella was a few months shy of three years old and told her right away. The only issue with that was that every time she saw someone in public with a large stomach, she would ask, loudly, ‘Mommy! That man/lady's gonna have a baby, just like you're going to have a baby?’ It was awful!”

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