Mommy groups can be a tremendous resource for new and veteran moms alike. In order to get the most out of the experience, it’s important that you truly fit into your mommy community.
Once you have a baby, the mommy group organizers may come out of the woodwork. Your neighbors, friends, friends of friends, fellow church members, ladies at the gym or favorite barista will suddenly be experts on a great group of moms. While it may be tempting to accept the first offer to join a group (or multiple offers), take your time to make sure that you will be able to relate to the women involved. You will probably be pouring yourself out to these women when the sleeplessness kicks in, or the crying won’t stop, or you simply just cannot take the sight of one more diaper. You don’t have to share every viewpoint and interest, but the personalities should definitely mesh.
A trial run
Don’t feel like you have to commit to the first invite you receive. Mommy groups can be serious therapy, so take the time to check out a few before officially extending your social circle. "My advice to moms thinking about going to a playgroup is to go more than once, says Jennie, a mom from New Mexico. "The first time I went, I was an outsider. The other moms/dads already knew each other and it almost brought me back to high school with the cliques, but by the second visit, everyone was very welcoming and it only got better from there."
Bonding over dirty diapers
Sometimes the strongest bonds are formed while going through a trial — and parenting is certainly a trial. "My mommy group started as a weekly play date," says Nicole, a mom from California. "But as the kids got older, the play date turned into a monthly mom date — without the kids. I look forward to that night because I know I’ll be able to unload some of my mommy junk and gain some much needed perspective." Don’t be that mom who’s always venting. Do your fair share of listening as well. Your mommy friends will appreciate your candidness and your ability to empathize.
Sometimes, finding a group can be so challenging that it’s easier to just form one yourself. Although it may take a bit more work, plenty of moms choose this option and end up with a great group. "I formed my own playgroup when my son was a little over a year old," says Andrea, a mom from Colorado. "I invited a few moms I had met through a hiking group and a new mom’s group. Being proactive enabled me to invite people I connected with and I wanted to keep it small. The moms in my group have become some of my best friends."
More about making mom friends
How to make mom friends
Making mom friends at the school yard
Start a playgroup with little or no money