Coming out of his shell

There's nothing wrong with having an introverted child, but there are times when a shy child may need to assert himself.

You might wonder if he can stick up for himself when the situation deems necessary. Experts offer these tips to help you give your child the tools needed to extend himself in any situation.

Baby steps

John Duffy, Chicago-based clinical psychologist, parenting and family expert, and author of The Available Parent, advises that parents help their shy child “make small social inroads as opposed to enormous social strides. This will increase their likelihood for success.”

Read up on more ideas to help your child become less shy and more confident >>

As the new school year starts, he suggests having your child “approach two or three children every day and just greet them with a simple hello.”

Help your child cultivate friendships with these tips >>

"Start a conversation with a compliment."

Lorraine Millan, CEO of Seven Minds, which produces the Social Navigator app for socially challenged children and teens, agrees with the simple approach and goes one step further. She suggests having your child “approach someone with a smile, start a conversation with a compliment and always look for something [they] have in common to talk about.“

Check out more tips for teaching kids how to make friends at school >>

Get involved

Duffy also suggests encouraging your child to join a group, club or sport at school. He says, “This will provide them with an immediate connection and something in common with other children.”

You’re OK just the way you are

Janelle Buchheit, M.Ed., NCC, ACC, certified life coach and founder of New Heights Coaching: Coaching Kids for Life Success says, “Let your child know that it's OK to be shy and reserved. There are many introverted/shy/reserved people in the world. For shy children, learning better social skills is another tool in the toolbox. They can survive as a shy person, but will be much more successful in life if they can pull out those skills and use them when they need them.”

Read more about the importance of praising your kids >>

Determine the level of your child’s needs

Most likely, your child's shyness is perfectly normal. But there may be more to your child’s shyness than meets the eye. Millan says, “Some children are just naturally quieter and more reserved than others. Many children are shy because they are self-protective and cautious. Some children have a harder time controlling their emotions or may be socially awkward and routinely face rejection from peers. Others simply do not have the communication or cognitive skills to keep up.”

She continues, “Parents need to adjust expectations accordingly and should seek professional help like a social skills program if they believe their child's shyness goes beyond temperament.”

More on shy kids

Helping the introverted child make friends

Encouraging shy kids to break out
Boost your child’s self esteem


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Comments on "How to help your shy child extend himself"

Amy July 11, 2012 | 6:10 PM

I really agree with the part of this article that says to reassure your child that they are just fine the way they are. Being shy isn't a bad thing - a lot of times shyer people are excellent listeners and very intellectual. Love your child for who they are and focus on our their good qualities.

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