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Moms uncensored: What I really think about motherhood

Lisa Steinke, with Liz Fenton, is the co-author of the debut chick lit novel l'll Have Who She's Having and the popular Chick Lit blog chicklitisnotdead.com.

Moms' secret thoughts

If you could be anonymous, what would you reveal about motherhood? This is the question we posed to moms. What did they confess? Read on for what moms are really thinking but are too scared to say about motherhood and even their own kids...
What moms are really thinking
Stressed mom

You must lead a double life

"It sounds wrong, but you must lead a double life in order to jump from one identity to the next without resentment I believe. You will completely lose yourself if you don't continue to pursue an interest, hobby, or passion in life."

"For example, one day you're with the kids and the family acting out your mom role and the next you could go to the coffee shop to write and socialize with friends, thus switching to the writer and girlfriend identity. I believe this is vital to our mental health and overall commitment to our children," says Florida mother Crystal Gettings.

It's the worst job I've ever had

Felicia, mother of three from New York says bluntly, "It's the worst job I ever had."

"At the time I said that, I had a 3-1/2-year-old and a 2-1/2-year-old and my oldest one was a handful. She would cry and scream every day for the littlest thing. I realized then that this was a thankless job. Most women will not admit to it out of fear. I realized why so many woman went back to work, had play dates and nannies to help out all the time."

Sometimes I want to pull my hair out, but...

"Yes, there are some days I want to pull my hair out, but just one sweet hug or smile or is all it takes to remind me why I love being a mom," says Elizabeth, mother of two.

It sucks

"It sucks," says Sarah, mother of two.

"I am an older mom with two kids too many. I even did years of infertility to create this mess! Parenting has been a wild journey for me and far from the idyllic life I imagined it would be. Parenting has also ruined my relationship with my husband."

"I am most days stressed about our situation in ways too numerous to mention. I have teenage kids who argue all the time and have to be told 10 times to do something simple. My husband is fried and doesn't help with child-related issues — it's like having a third child. I am on a countdown for college and could care less that I will be working until I'm dead to pay for it."

How to successfully cope with mommy meltdowns >>

I wouldn't change it for the world

"As a mother, sometimes the days seem so long. However, I am always aware of how the years go by fast and relish my role of a being a mother and role model to my daughter. Here is why I wouldn't change it for the world: I can be a child again, which impacts my decisions and my mood everyday. I remember to lighten up and not take life so darn serious. Without her, I would just look silly jumping on a trampoline." :)

It is still my proudest accomplishment

"I am always thinking I cannot believe so many women have kids. It is obvious, women really do not know before the birth how much work it is to be a great mom. I work at it every day and still often feel like I fall short of my goals as a mother. But it is still my proudest accomplishment," says mother and blogger, JJ DiGeranimo.

Remember, a negative thought doesn't mean you don't love your children

"Having a negative thought, in and of itself, does NOT mean you are a bad mom. And if you’re having a negative thought – honor it! Our myths about motherhood and good mothers invariably promote the idea that if you’re having a negative thought, keep it to yourself. But dismissing the truth of your own experience as a mom over time only breeds resentment and actually can leave you more vulnerable to depression," says Diana Lynn Barnes Psy.D, LMFT and author The Journey to Parenthood: Myths, Reality and What Really Matters.

Barnes continues, "There is no other job in life where you are expected to be available 24/7, always attuned, and always responsible. A negative thought about motherhood doesn’t imply that you don’t love your children."

More mom tips

How to de-stress your stressed mom life
Mommy meltdowns: Make it up to the kids
In defense of imperfect parenting

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