Finding support or grieving privately

Facebook is all about sharing, but how much do you feel comfortable with? If you announce your pregnancy early on, you will need to decide what to do if your pregnancy ends in a miscarriage.


Do you want the support from your friends and family, or do you prefer to keep your pregnancy private, at least in the beginning? Read on to find out the pros and cons.

Happily announcing a pregnancy is a moment many moms can't wait for. And adding 500 of your closest friends via Facebook makes a party out of what used to be a few phone calls in the old days. Deciding to share your news early, however, carries a bit of a risk along with it. What happens if you have a miscarriage?

Sharing it all, gathering support

Many moms love and appreciate all the support they can get. Even with the risk of miscarriage, many we spoke with shared their pregnancy news as soon as they could. "I shared right away with all of my pregnancies," says Vyky, mom of two. "I want to have support from the get-go from my family and friends. No one should have to suffer miscarriage and pregnancy loss alone. It's a terrible thing to have to go through."

Tayla from Canada agreed. "I think there's still a stigma surrounding miscarriage, so some people may find it offensive or unsettling if someone announces their loss on Facebook," she shares. "I believe this stems from our discomfort with death in general. However, I think that if it's all right for someone to express their happiness over a pregnancy, it's perfectly all right for them to express their sadness over the loss of that pregnancy."

Ashley also would rather share and get support than not. "I've never had a miscarriage, but if I did I would rather people know and acknowledge him/her," she tells SheKnows.

Privacy is paramount

Other moms didn't want to share their pregnancy news early on. "After having a terrible miscarriage experience at four months a long time ago, I was really afraid to tell anyone online about this baby," says Meagan from Vermont. "I was terrified I'd lose him and have to explain."

Amanda from Oregon had similar feelings. "I had a miscarriage when I was 9 weeks and I hadn't told many people," she reports. "So when I got pregnant with Gwen, I waited until I was 13 weeks to put it on Facebook. Only close friends and family knew before. Going through that miscarriage was hard and I was glad I didn't have a bunch of people who weren't close to me hound me about it. I just hate the looks and it makes me feel worse for longer."

The same goes for Charlene, mom of two. "I was too nervous to say anything before because I wouldn't have wanted everyone to know I had a miscarriage if I did," she told us. "I guess I just wouldn't have wanted their sympathy."

Would you, or wouldn't you?

It's a hard decision to make. Some want support for their news, no matter whether it's happy or sad, and others choose to keep this part of their lives totally private. There is no right answer -- you have to do what feels right.

Tell us

Would you share a miscarriage on social networks like Facebook? Have you?

More on miscarriages and pregnancy loss

Michelle Duggar: Letting miscarriage happen naturally
Love after pregnancy loss
Bethenny Frankel: I had a miscarriage

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Comments

Comments on "Sharing a miscarriage on Facebook: Yay or nay?"

Elizabeth October 02, 2013 | 12:37 PM

I didn't post my pregnancy on FB and I regretted it. I miscarried my baby at 11 weeks and I felt so alone. During the weeks I was pregnant and going through horrible morning sickness, my friends kept posting recipes and food pics that made me feel worse because they didn't know what i was going through. My husband and I are hoping for a rainbow baby now. We're not announcing our hopes, but if I do get pregnant again, this time I will announce it right after our families are told. I will want my friends' encouragement and support the second time around.

Katie Mahoney October 02, 2013 | 11:56 AM

I didnt post my news on fb til 15 or so weeks, unfortunately at 19w my waters broke n at 22w my daughter Lily was still born. It was horrendous to no wot to put on fb but I had to put sumthing as people were asking questions. Wen my waters broke I avoided posting anything until Lily died and then Ipsted an announcement. So even if u dont put anything until after 13 weeks as I unfortunately no ure not safe. Next time, if there is a next time I wont be posting anything on fb at all and wont b telling people until 24 weeks. Even now if I post anything about my daughter or anything about pregnancy people tell me to get over it but I cant, she was my daughter. I also truly believe fb is a way to express yourself and you should write woteva u feel, n my overwhelming feeling rite now is sadness.

Sara Schneider June 27, 2013 | 8:49 PM

I have shared all my pregnancies (since I got facebook) on the site. I did do it early on just for the simple reason is I am horrible at keeping anything a secret and I am always so darn excited. My last two pregnancies ended in miscarriages and I did also, share them on facebook. I just felt the need to, the need to let everyone know that it happens and it is real and it is something that shouldnt be shunned or shushed. Now, I have to say, there is risk in doing so, and maybe this was just for me, but...I was expecting more from my fiances family, and I didnt get a thing, two of his "not as close" aunts said their condolences, but nothing from anyone else. Not even when I saw them not even two weeks later at Thanksgiving, and then again not at Christmas. It hurt, and unfortunetely, It has made me angry at them. I didnt expect a total out pour of emotions from anyone, just a simple sentence, hug etc...would of been nice. Oh well tho :) I do have to admit tho, that if I am to get pregnant again, because of how fearful and how I am afraid on how others would react...I might keep it on the down low. well thats my piece :)

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