"This is a tough topic for moms who are feeling shy or embarrassed — or for daughters who are. Keep in mind that, however shy either, or both, of you are feeling, your daughter needs and wants to know what you know about this," Dr. G explains.
Regardless of how you feel about the Komen/Planned Parenthood issue, the fact it was all over the media for days means your teenage daughter may have a lot of questions about breast health — and women's health in general. "Imparting our values to our children requires periodic conversations from different angles," says Dr. G — Deborah Gilboa, M.D., and founder of AskDrG.com. "For a mother who feels that Komen's decision was a travesty, that is a great entry to the conversation with her teen — likewise for a mom who feels that Komen did the right thing. Using current events or pop culture as a jumping off point will allow a mom to give information in a way that teens will not feel is as invasive or accusatory or perhaps unsettling."
If having this talk with your daughter sounds daunting, don't worry. Take a deep breath, and follow
Dr. G's advice:
Dr. G says, "Find a situation that eases you, like talking in the car when eye contact isn't possible or in a movie theater before the movie starts. Find a mentor that supports you — another mother-daughter pair with whom you and your daughter are comfortable or a trusted older relative that is a straight talker. If she gives a lot of this information to your daughter in front of you, that will save you the difficulty of saying the words but still give your seal of approval."
According to Dr. G — and many parents — teens already think they know more about sex than you do! "Ask your daughter what she has learned about STDs: how to get them, how to prevent them, what they are. You might as well let her 'educate' you so you can find the gaps in her knowledge."
If you can, chat with your daughter's doctor ahead of time. Dr. G recommends making sure her doctor asks about sexual activity, substance use, body image, HPV and intimate partner violence.
She says, "Don't stay in the exam room for the whole appointment, and be sure her doctor knows you want your daughter to have a private opportunity to talk about these 'private' issues. Also, this will help her learn to take responsibility for her own health."
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