Should Everyone Know You're Trying?

It's baby time! Does your mother, your sister, your best friend and every last one of your co-workers know you're trying to get pregnant? Or do you wait to share the news until there's a baby on board?

Mommies facing off this week

Audrey McClelland, founder of Mom Generations, and Kristin Wheeler, founder of Mama Luvs Books.

The scenario

You've decided it's time to try for a baby!

You're so excited that it's all you can think about.

You're beginning to chart your ovulation cycles and preparing to buy some pregnancy tests.

Question: Do you tell people you're trying for a baby?

Audrey McClelland

Mom Generations


When we first started trying for a baby back in January of 2004, I told everybody. I mean, I'm not kidding -- anyone that would listen, I told.

It's now kind of embarrassing to admit, but my whole office at work knew my ovulation cycle! That being said, there were about 10 other women trying to get pregnant at the same time and we all told each other everything. I actually ended up getting pregnant the very first month we tried back in January of 2004, but the first test I took was a false negative. I remember going to work that next morning so upset and so defeated. Everyone knew that it was my "turn" to test and everyone was trying to make me feel better about it by saying, "You'll try next month!" Believe me, it didn't make it any easier.

When I still hadn't gotten my period a week later, I retested and was incredibly excited to see two lines. I was pregnant! I went on to have three more babies. With the next two, like my first, I told everyone. I mean, my grandmother knew. My husband wasn't too happy that everyone knew, but I felt the more people that knew, the more positive baby vibes we'd get -- that was my logic.

With our youngest, he was the surprise of our life! I didn't have to tell anyone, but I'll tell you this: people were shocked to hear about a fourth baby in three years for us!

Kristin Wheeler

Mama Luvs Books


When my husband and I decided to try to get pregnant, we decided to not tell anyone we were trying. In fact, we agreed we would not tell anyone at all until after the three month mark.

My husband is an academic and deals with statistics on a daily basis. The data showing the percentage of miscarriages in the first trimester freaked us out a bit, so we made the decision not to tell. It was definitely hard keeping it from my family because I am so close with them. They actually came out to visit us in California over Thanksgiving and we took them wine tasting in Napa. I pretended to drink some wine so they would not suspect I was pregnant.

We finally broke the news Christmas morning. We gave my mom "Granny" smith apples, an "Uncle" Cracker CD for my brother, an "Auntie" Annie's Pretzels mug for my sister and a knee brace for my dad (because he said he would have a knee replacement if we ever had a baby). We asked them what they thought their gifts had in common. They looked around at each other. Finally my sister got it. She yelled, "You're pregnant!" It was fun! It was hard to keep a secret, but fun revealing it!

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Comments on "Mom Blogger Face-off: Did you tell people you were trying to get pregnant?"

Gena January 03, 2013 | 2:20 PM

My MIL informed my husband and I that his sister and her husband were awkward! It made me kind of angry that that information was shared so freely, even between family. I won't be telling people when we try because I have no idea where the information might end up.

Nicole February 16, 2012 | 4:26 AM

None of our kids were planned, so I guess I don't know what we would have done if we were 'trying'. That being said, I think that whatever makes the couple comfortable is what should happen. If it makes it easier to have support, then tell people... if it's just going to stress you out, then don't! :)

Tamara Wilson February 14, 2012 | 11:37 AM

I only told my mom when we were trying for Mr B. I figured it was no one else s business. I figured if it didn't happen I didn't want anyone feeling sorry for us or try to help with all the suggestions, tips and unwanted advice.

Celebrate Woman February 14, 2012 | 9:16 AM

There's no right or wrong. Whatever a person thinks, they act out the way they wish. Some are more private, some are more open. I think it's not appropriate to put this Question like that: Which Side Are Yuu On? We are all humans living in a huge worldly community and need support our choices.

Sara February 13, 2012 | 6:59 PM

I'm with Kristin --- for the most part. I don't believe it telling lots of people should know because I think that creates pressure. I also was brought up to keep it a secret when you become pregnant until 3 months.

katie smith February 13, 2012 | 5:17 PM

I think both. For someone who does not have problems getting pregnant then I could see why they feel ok to tell people. But for other who have had a lot of problems you might not want to say anything. Also I would not go on and on and on about it, just tell your family and friends that yes you want to have another one and leave it at that.

lena - elenka29 February 13, 2012 | 12:35 PM

It was hard for us - it took years, treatments and even worse, so no - we were not looking to tell anyone abou it.

melissa February 13, 2012 | 12:20 PM

I do not tell anyone until I am ready which is not until 4 months at the earliest. I didn't even tell my sister till I was 14 weeks with my first one. I don't think it is anyones business but my own!

kat February 13, 2012 | 11:41 AM

I don't think I would tell if I was trying to have a baby. If you had problems in the past it would seem to create more pressure on you to get pregnant. I think I would wait a few months in before I would tell. I lost a son too and when I got pregnant with my daughter I wanted to wait til I was showing and farther in to start letting everyone know.

Denise February 13, 2012 | 11:28 AM

We tried for three years before our first pregnancy and went through so many infertility issues that we were really glad we DIDN'T tell anyone (except our parents) that we trying because it was really difficult to even talk to each other about it at times. Seeing other pregnant people and hearing about others who were getting pregnant was heartbreaking - I'm very happy that we didn't have to deal with lots of questions and people feeling sorry for us at the time.

Nykki February 13, 2012 | 11:17 AM

We didn't talk to anyone about trying to conceive, but we definitely told everyone before the 2nd trimester!

Susie February 13, 2012 | 10:30 AM

I'm totally I am with Kristin on this...once you tell everyone they "feel" it's ok to ask...and sometimes it's not so easy to get pregnant!

Jenny February 13, 2012 | 9:33 AM

I'm with Kristin as well. I didn't tell anyone when we were trying with D adn I won't tell anyone when we start to try for number two. It's a personal thing and its no ones business but yours and your spouse. Yes, its hard not to tell your family but imagine you have a hard time getting pregnant or you have a miscarriage and you have to inform EVERYONE who keeps asking you since you are openly trying. No thanks!

Maria February 13, 2012 | 9:24 AM

I used to keep it as much of a secret as possible with the exception of always telling my 99 year old grandma so that she would something wonderful to look forward to. Then last year I started blogging about my journey to having my third child. I had a total of 6 miscarriages while trying for my second child and was ready to tell all of the nitty gritty, mostly since I didn't think anyone was really reading. Then, as time went on, more and more people were reading. Family and friends had found their way to my blog. The cat was officially out of the bag. Then when it took us 20 cycles to finally get pregnant, it was nice to have the support and love of those family, friends and readers.

Amber Edwards February 13, 2012 | 9:18 AM

I'm with Kristin too. My first baby, a lot of people knew. When we lost it, it was so hard to bare, and all we got was, constant comments, "How is the baby doing?" and I'd have to tell them all over again how we had lost the baby. It was harder. The second pregnancy, we didn't tell anyone, although the Mother-in-law knew, because I was so sick, and it wasn't going away. But she agreed to help us keep the secret, because if I lost this one too, it would be easier to only have to tell a few people. Thankfully this baby made it through and after we were past the "scare" mark of 3 months, and I started to show, then we started to tell people. I would never tell people before we even conceived if we were trying, because that's just a bit personal, sacred, and I think it needs to be kept between the husband and wife...unless there are conception problems and a support group is needed.

Jenn/Organic Mama February 13, 2012 | 9:12 AM

Being diagnosed with PCOS and having multiple fertility procedures and treatments, I was taking a lot of time off work and suddenly became really moody from all the medication. I choose to talk to my boss, co-workers, friends and family about it so they weren't taken back by my stand-off, (sometimes abrasive) attitude. I have an incredibly amazing support system, so it was actually blessing to discuss our journey. I would definitely do it again - however I respect that everyone has their own opinion/comfort level on the topic :)

Katie February 13, 2012 | 9:02 AM

I did! I found a TON of support, wouldn't have done it any other way, even when I lost 2 babies. If I didn't have the love of my friends & family, I wouldn't have made it. It's a personal choice, but I couldn't have suffered in the dark.

Sarah February 13, 2012 | 9:00 AM

We've been trying for over a year and I've only told a few select people. I will admit at times I want to post it on FB so people will quit asking WHEN we're going to have another. If only it were that simple to snap your fingers and make it happen.

Stephanie N. February 13, 2012 | 8:55 AM

Personally -- I'm not a talker about it... then there's the endless questions! I think it's a wonderful secret between the couple -- a wonderful secret you get to tell a few weeks/months later! :)

Melissa Lawler February 13, 2012 | 8:54 AM

I'm with Kristin. I don't think it is anyone's business!

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